


Seven Years

by EvaStone



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: F/F, Loubbie Love, loubbie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-07-10 18:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvaStone/pseuds/EvaStone
Summary: After the heist.After Lou's trip to California.





	1. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lou comes back from her trip to California, to the loft that had wordlessly become 'theirs' instead of hers.  
> 

Debbie doesn’t understand how two weeks can feel so much longer than almost six years in prison. Obviously she’d missed Lou while she was locked up, but getting out, seeing those ocean eyes gazing at her through shaggy bangs; pulling off a job with her; just being with her again. That first day after the cemetery, getting into Lou’s car, had felt like flint and feather colliding. A spark was lit, and the next six weeks had been nothing but oxygen to the flames.

Then Lou had gone on her trip, tracing her bike along the California coastline, and Debbie had stayed at the loft. It was an unsaid, assumed outcome. Debbie got out, of course she would stay at Lou’s. Lou hadn’t thought otherwise for a second.

She’d debated asking Debbie to come with her; to climb on the back of her bike and cling to her as she weaved through coastal roads. But something in Lou had clammed up. Fear, maybe. She’s not sure. Somehow it felt right to do this alone; to give Debbie this time, this freedom, in the loft to try and reassume an identity that didn’t involve an orange jumpsuit.

They’re two sides of the same coin. They’ve texted every day, yes, but they haven’t spoken. Debbie had wanted to give Lou space to take this trip; Lou had wanted to give Debbie time to settle in. They’ve silently been missing each other and neither of them has been willing to say anything.

After the simmering, smoldering heat that grew during those weeks before the heist, Lou can’t get back to the loft fast enough. Inside, Debbie exhales deeply, running her hands through her hair and looking around. She may be a bit messy sometimes, but she made sure that the loft is exactly as Lou left it. She checks Danny’s watch on her wrist. Lou should be here any minute.  
Debbie isn’t even sure what she’s going to say. There’s no plan. She’s only thought so far as Lou coming through that door and Debbie enveloping her in her arms tightly.  
There’s been no mention of pre-prison, pre-Claude moments. Not with words, anyway. Lou had been unable to stop herself from light touches and standing close to Debbie. And Debbie can’t help it that sometimes when she talks to Lou, her eyes just sort of soften and anyone watching can easily tell that she loves this person.  
No mention of nights, years earlier, when they’d found each other a handful of times; drunken after a night out and stumbling. Usual hugs softening into full embraces; lips fitted together seamlessly and hands smoothing over velvet skin. It had just been something they didn’t really talk about. Lou, she knew. She’s always known that she loves Debbie. But Debbie—strong, willful, stubborn Debbie—is never so easily ordered about by her heart. Until now.

She’s up in her bedroom, pulling on a sweater, when she hears the familiar click and echo of the door opening and falling shut. Her chest twinges a little and she gives herself one last glance before heading for the door.

“Haven’t burned the place down, I see,” comes Lou’s greeting.

  
Debbie grins, seeing that beautiful, smiling face, as she looks down from the upstairs.

  
“Yet,” she replies.

  
Lou chuckles, dropping her bag, and Debbie is already on the stairs. She doesn’t want to run and fling herself into Lou’s arms—well, maybe she does. But she won’t. But she hops down the stairs quickly and Lou is already walking towards her.

 

“How was it?” Debbie asks, unable to tear her eyes away from the ocean depths of Lou’s.

  
“Really great,” Lou replies, as they meet and instantly step into each other’s arms. “Could have used a sidekick, though.”

Debbie smiles. Their hug isn’t brief. They hold on, communicating this way. _I missed you._ Debbie dips her face, burying it in Lou’s shoulder a little, and Lou tightens her arms around her. She inhales the familiar scent of Debbie’s shampoo as she turns her face towards the dark-chocolate brown hair.  
When they release, it isn’t fully. Holding each other by the arms, separated only by their fluttering chests, they smile. Debbie absently reaches out to flick a longer piece of blonde hair away from the shorter bangs. Lou may manage to come across as cool and confident, but Debbie Ocean is the exception. She swallows, meeting Debbie’s eyes but not losing the signature grin.

“You look good,” Debbie says, a little grin tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Lou’s eyes dip to look at those lips.

“So do you,” Lou murmurs.

One hand is on the small of Debbie’s back; the other is resting on Debbie’s hip. Both of Debbie’s hands are linked behind Lou. Neither of them has any intention of releasing the other, and this fact seems to bring a sort of comfortable silence between them.  
A moment to breathe, sapphire-blue eyes boring into chocolate brown. An entire history lying in between the blood vessels and tears.

“Lou,” Debbie murmurs, and her eyes fall from Lou’s for a moment.

Lou knows it must be something important; Debbie doesn’t break eye contact first unless her own feelings are the topic of conversation. So Lou’s ocean eyes stay locked on Debbie. She watches as Debbie swallows, her throat bobbing thickly. Lou frowns, feeling a sharp tinge of fear between all of this comfort.  
But Debbie meets her eyes again and Lou can’t find anything scary in there.

“I missed you,” is all Debbie says, with a classic smile that would tell anyone else that she’s just fine. But Lou has known Debbie Ocean since they were 19 years old, and there’s nothing she could do or say that Lou wouldn’t be able to see through.

Debbie’s hands seem to unconsciously twitch behind Lou’s back, and she doesn’t wait another second. Their bodies are still close together, but she bridges that gap and brings Lou’s lips to hers, meeting in a soft, warm, somewhat familiar kiss.

She hasn’t kissed Lou in years, and yet it feels exactly like home.

Surprised, Lou pauses, letting her cup the back of her head, keeping her there. The surprise melts quickly as a deep throb in her belly takes control of her body. Her linked hands separate only to press against Lou’s back, holding onto her firmly as she kisses her back.  
The slow, tentative kiss transforms into the rising warmth of two people who have missed each other, wholly and deeply. Lou’s body is pressed against Debbie’s, and Debbie could swear that their hearts are thumping out identical rhythms. Blood pulses in her ears as Lou’s tongue gently makes its way forwards and Debbie opens her mouth, welcoming her home.  
They clutch each other firmly, unwilling to let even an inch of their palms release the other person. They part, each breathing a little heavily. Debbie’s forehead tips to rest against Lou’s as she squeezes Lou beneath her hands.

“We haven’t done that in…seven years,” Lou murmurs quietly.

Debbie raises her head, finding Lou’s too-blue eyes uncharacteristically emotional. She lifts a hand, regrettably letting go of Lou, and brushes her fingers through Lou’s hair, grazing her cheek. One thumb traces Lou’s bottom lip and Debbie raises her darkened eyes to stare into Lou.

“We haven’t done a lot of things in seven years,” she replies, and the breath falls from Lou’s lungs as she pulls Debbie towards her, almost roughly, and brings her lips back to hers.

And the spark that has been smoldering explodes into flame.


	2. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debbie may not be in prison anymore, but sometimes her dreams shove her back in there.

The dreams have been leaving her alone lately. 

 

 

 

 

She should have known they'd rear their ugly heads now; now that she's been feeling blissfully happy and okay. 

This time, the two worst dreams come together to form a nightmare that Debbie hasn't experienced yet. 

Mel is there; her psycho ex-cellmate. Debbie feels that chest-caving pull as she thinks about the fact that she has to live in that cell again. With her.

 

Mel starts screaming; starts coming for Debbie. The hatred pours from her mouth like vinegar and Debbie has nowhere to go. 

The fear she hasn't felt in months and has spent the last while trying to banish, fill her body like fog. She can think of nothing else.

 

She feels her eyes fill and can't breathe properly. Part of her thinks,  _Is this a dream?,_ but it can't be because it feels too real. 

A door appears and she bolts for it. 

She doesn't pause to see where it leads, just throws herself across the threshold. Into blackness. 

She stumbles, turning around to figure out what this place is. 

Then he's there. Anthony, the disgusting CO who'd pressed his body against hers more than once; invaded her space and her comfort zone. Threatened her repeatedly.

Debbie feels a surge of terror, her mouth filling with adrenaline and her heart crashing against her ribs. 

"No," she murmurs, her eyes flooding, and he shoves Debbie backwards into her bunk.

 

She bolts upright, dazed and panicking. 

Streaming eyes dart around, searching for explanation. 

She's breathing heavily and a sob escapes her throat. She struggles with the blankets for a second, trying to fling them off of her legs. 

"Deb?"

Debbie startles, looking down beside her to see a familiar blonde lying there. 

Concern washes over Lou's face and she quickly moves to sit up, but Debbie is bolting. 

Lou reaches for her, catches her wrist for a second, but Debbie is stronger than she looks and hell-bent on getting herself into the bathroom. 

"Deb," Lou says louder, her heart speeding up as she tries to figure out what's happening. 

She's never seen Debbie look like that before. She's never seen her cry that hard; never seen her chocolate-brown eyes sparkling with tears while burning with fear. 

Lou swallows, pushing the blankets away and following Debbie. 

 

Debbie pushes the bathroom door closed and slides down against it, her back to the cold wood. 

The panic is in control. She needs to wrangle it. Not let it control her.

 

_It wasn't real_ , she tells herself. 

 

The sentence repeats itself in her mind, over and over, as she struggles for breath. 

She feels the door nudge behind her. Hears Lou fiddle with the knob. 

 

"Deb, open the door," comes Lou's usually calm voice. It sounds new. 

The door's not locked; it's too late to lock it now. But Lou won't shove the door, for fear of hurting Deb. 

The self-relying belief that she needs to handle this herself fills Debbie's mind.

 

_Just breathe_ , she tells herself. 

She doesn't want Lou to see her like this. 

She doesn't want her to know that she has these nightmares. 

 

The door nudges against her again. 

"Let me in, love," Lou urges gently, her voice low and soothing. 

Somehow, the sound of her; the fact that she's right there, helps. 

"Just...give me a minute," Debbie blurts out, hating how obvious it is that she's been crying. 

Her voice is raspy and thick with it; with sleep. 

"Please," Lou says. 

Debbie swallows hard, her lungs still struggling to regulate her breathing. Her heart still racing. 

 

"Don't hide from me, sweetheart," Lou murmurs.

Her voice is right by Debbie's ear. She knows that Lou is crouched outside the door, purposely putting her voice closer to Debbie.

"I don't..." Debbie begins, but the words choke.

Her eyes fill. With shame, with panic, with relief. 

_I don't want you to see me like this_ , the sentence silently finishes. 

 

"Let me in," Lou repeats. 

Debbie hears it for its deeper meaning; Lou's not just asking to be let into the bathroom. 

 

Swallowing hard, Debbie finds herself moving slightly to allow for Lou to slip in if she opens the door a bit. 

Immediately, Lou pushes in, carefully, and drops down beside her. 

Her hands come to Debbie's face, palms against her cheeks and thumbs swiping away the thick tears. The Mediterranean-blue eyes are wide behind the blonde fringe, fear and worry blowing up her pupils. 

"You're alright," Lou tells her, without even needing to hear what happened. "You're safe."

Those words stick, battering against her skull so she can't ignore them. 

 

Lou sits, wrapping arms and legs around Debbie and pulling her close. She feels smaller than Lou remembers, and she's trembling. 

"You're safe, love. I'm here," Lou murmurs, smoothing the dark hair and keeping her lips near Debbie's ear. 

Deb's heart fumbles a few beats, trying to get the rhythm right. 

 

Lou takes one of her hands and places it on her own chest. She covers the hand with her own, staring into Debbie's eyes. 

"Breathe, darling," she murmurs gently. 

How does Lou know just what to do? 

 

The sweetness and the unwavering love from Lou makes Debbie's eyes fill again. 

Lou just reaches up and strokes the tears away. 

 

Her hands are everywhere: holding Debbie close, holding her hand to her chest, brushing back tears into damp hair. 

That signature calm, soothing energy fills the bathroom and Debbie can finally hear herself think. She fights to control her breath. 

 

The images of Mel and then Anthony pop back into her mind, and Debbie drops her head, hiding her flooding eyes. 

Lou doesn't force her to look up. She tightens her legs around Deb, using her free arm to wrap around her and stroke her hair. 

Tears soak Lou's shoulder as Debbie fights to get control over herself. 

She takes deep breaths, and Deb feels the steady fill and release beneath her palm. 

Lou is barely taller than her, and not really bigger than her. But somehow Debbie feels completely safe in her arms. 

Lou smooths a hand over Debbie's head, randomly tracing the fingers down her back before returning to gently stroke her hair. She knows how the scalp ministrations relax her. 

 

She waits until Debbie's breathing matches her own. Hears her take a deep, cleansing breath and then lifts Debbie's chin with her fingers. 

The beautiful, dark eyes are positively sparkling and Lou can't help when her lips part and she stares, mesmerized. 

 

"Mel?" she murmurs. 

Debbie swallows, clenching her jaw. She offers a slight nod. 

By reflex, she starts to look down again; break eye contact. But Lou's fingers are still under her chin. 

She can feel the blonde looking at her, and she doesn't feel overly exposed to meet her gaze. Lou's eyes are shining. 

Seeing Debbie in pain is more than she can bear. 

"She's not here," Lou murmurs, tucking hair behind Debbie's ear.

Her other hand slides up and down her back, and her bare legs are folded around her body as she sits there, knees raised to her chest. 

"You're safe," she hums, her soothing voice clearing the fog in Debbie's head. 

 

She looks at Lou and feels that odd, unfamiliar surge of knowing someone's soul. 

She swallows, taking another deep breath, and Lou presses a kiss to her forehead. 

"I won't let anything happen to you," she promises. 

Debbie believes this. Lou seems to love her in a way that no one ever has.

She feels the tension ripple away from her shoulders, melting. Lou's lips are pressed against her hair; she breathes Debbie in. 

When their eyes meet again, Lou's ask her,  _What do you need?_

She would give her anything. Everything. 

 

Wordlessly, she runs her thumb along Debbie's bottom lip. She can't help but bite her own, wishing it were Deb's. 

When she feels Debbie's pulse heighten, and not from fear, it's all the confirmation she needs. 

 

She pulls their bodies closer, pressing her lips to Debbie's.

Identical sparks burst into flames within them; the low throb, deep in their bellies, ready to go. 

 

Debbie's legs loosen, falling away from their tight bend into her chest, and Lou takes one and pulls it around her. Lou's legs are beneath hers, wrapped around her, and Debbie slides her other leg further around, meeting the other behind Lou. 

Her hands move forward, finding the familiar feeling of a loose t-shirt covering Lou's body. Her fingers slip underneath the cotton and Lou shudders at the contact. She moans a little against Debbie's lips before her tongue plunges in. 

When Debbie makes a little noise, unable to stop herself, Lou feels like she could push her down and ravage her right here on the bathroom floor. 

Debbie Ocean sets her entire body on fire. 

 

Debbie moves her hands, one sliding up and around Lou's waist and the other cupping an impossibly soft breast; the nipple achingly hard against her palm. 

Lou moans and Debbie bites into her lip. 

_This_ , she thinks.  _This is what I need._

Lou knows. 

She is always gentle with Debbie--except when she doesn't want her to be. Grabbing her around the waist, Lou pulls her, almost roughly, against her body, kissing her harder. Lou starts kissing her neck and uses her teeth, nibbling at the sensitive skin. When she hears Debbie whimper in her ear, need surges through Lou. 

 

She grabs Debbie by the arms and stands, pulling her up with her. 

She starts for the door but Debbie resists, turning the other way. Lou turns to look at her and Deb leaves her grasp, walking to the shower. 

She opens the door and flips the water on, and Lou grins a little. 

Stepping towards Debbie in two strides, she takes the hem of her shirt and pulls it off. Debbie is bare underneath, her breasts perfect and firm and utterly delicious as Lou pulls her towards her and immediately takes one nipple in her mouth. 

 

Debbie sort of sighs and it makes goosebumps rise along Lou's flesh. 

A little smile hints at Debbie's mouth as she notices this, and Lou just grins, bringing their mouths together. 

 

They step into the shower. Debbie gasps at the heat, and Lou is already turning it a little cooler. 

It doesn't distract from her task. She is back quickly, pulling Debbie's body against hers and bringing her mouth to her neck. She always wants to fill her mouth with the delicate flesh and suck greedily, leaving a mark to tell the whole world that they belong to each other. She restrains herself, settling for light sucking and a dusty pink smudge against the silky skin. 

 

"God, you are delicious," Lou murmurs, her lips against her ear. 

Debbie squeezes her arm around Lou's waist, turning her face towards her. 

 

Lou's tongue plunges into her mouth, tasting her, and Debbie slips a hand into Lou's hair, gently tugging a handful. Lou groans.

Swiftly, she guides Debbie backwards to sit on the bench in the shower. She positions her in the corner and gets on her knees, pushing Debbie's thighs up and apart as she lowers herself between her legs. 

 

They are too turned on to go slow. Lou pushes two fingers inside Debbie, and she gasps with pleasure. Lou's tongue joins her fingers a moment later, gliding up through the folds of skin and finding its destination. 

 

Debbie feels like her entire body is throbbing. Lou has barely started making circles with her tongue when Debbie feels herself rocket upwards, and Lou squeezes her thigh tightly as her fingers are crushed between Debbie's strong muscles. Over and over, Debbie's insides contract, and Lou's tongue keeps her going as the rush of warmth floods through her. 

Lou slows down, bringing her back down, and she removes her fingers, gliding her hands up Debbie's body. 

 

Debbie breathes hard, her eyes heavy and hooded, and Lou dots her thighs with kisses as she watches her. 

It's only a few moments, but Debbie's body has never fully come down with Lou. Especially not when Lou is still between her legs, kissing every bit of skin she can reach. 

 

She slides her fingers back into Debbie and fresh need roars within her. 

This time, Lou guides her from the outside in. 

Her fingers crook and bend, and Debbie doesn't need the water to know she's absolutely drenched. 

 

Lou comes to sit beside her, never removing her fingers or changing her movements, and starts kissing below Debbie's ear, hungrily. 

Debbie grips a nearby shelf in the wall with one hand, as the other braces herself on the bench. Her toes start to move by themselves, curling and tightening, and Lou feels her body flutter underneath hers. 

She expertly brings her thumb into play, and Debbie gasps louder than she means to. 

Lou's proud grin fills her vision; her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she watches Debbie dissolve before her. 

 

Debbie lifts her hand from the bench and grabs Lou's free hand, threading their fingers together and crushing Lou's as she falls into her second orgasm. 

"Good girl," Lou murmurs in her ear, and a fresh, powerful surge of pleasure bursts through her. 

She groans, her eyes rolling back. "Oh, god, Lou," she breathes, as her toes straighten and her walls again clench out a rhythm against Lou's fingers. 

Lou's blonde bangs are slicked back with water, giving a rare glimpse of her face, unimpeded by the fringe. 

Debbie loves that face. The high cheekbones, the porcelain skin, and those ocean-blue eyes. 

Still jolting, she releases Lou's hand and brings it to her face. She palms one cheek, her thumb stroking outwards, and Lou catches it between her teeth. 

She bites gently and takes the thumb in her mouth. The feeling of her adept tongue around the digit draws out Debbie's bliss. 

 

Lou's timing is impeccable, as she removes her fingers and again glides her hands along Debbie's body. She palms Deb's bottom, grabbing a handful and squeezing almost too tightly. She takes a breast in her mouth and flicks at the nipple with her tongue as she massages the other with her hand. Nuzzling into Debbie's neck, she licks the hot skin, kissing and suckling as she moves. 

Every nerve in Debbie's body is raw. 

She is foggy-headed with pleasure, but still reaches out for Lou, slipping a hand between her legs. 

 

With a sly grin, Lou catches it and stops her. She pins the hand above Debbie's head, against the shower wall, and kisses her passionately as she reaches for the other and follows suit. Debbie whimpers a little, out of both need and desperation. 

She doesn't understand how Lou can do this to her body. 

Lou doesn't understand how she doesn't realize that she does the same thing to hers. 

 

Lou straddles her, arms still pinned above her, and for a moment Lou's breasts are right in front of her face. 

Debbie's head moves forward, mouth leading itself to one of the drenched, silken mounds. 

"Tut tut," Lou scolds gently, moving backwards just slightly and looking down at Debbie.

Debbie meets her eyes, violently blue against the alabaster skin. 

 

"Do I need to teach you how to behave?" Lou murmurs, holding onto both wrists with one hand and bringing the other to Debbie's face. 

She traces a finger along her lips. 

 

Frustrated, Debbie clenches her jaw, not breaking eye contact but not reaching for Lou. 

 

"Good girl," Lou praises, giving her a smile. 

 

Just that smile alone is enough to prime Deb all over again. 

 

Lou reaches over and takes a lipstick-sized vibrator from the shelf. 

Debbie almost huffs, knowing what this means, and Lou chuckles wickedly. 

"Poor baby," she murmurs, grinding her hips around as she's straddling Deb. "What do you need?"

Debbie exhales heavily, dropping her head back against the wall. 

"You know what I need," she breathes, blinking against the falling water. 

Lou just grins and Debbie feels the vibrating toy touch her nipple. Her eyes roll and close; Lou bites her smiling lip. 

 

"Mmm," she hums, unable to help herself. 

She loves watching Debbie like this. 

 

"God, you're beautiful," she mumbles, almost to herself, as her eyes move over Deb's whole body. 

Throbbing lightly, Debbie moves her hips, desperate for pressure. 

 

Lou moves the toy downwards, over Debbie's toned tummy and between her legs. She watches as she very slowly glides the vibration through Debbie's folds. Her mouth waters, seeing that private, scrumptious flesh, and she keeps her chin down but glances up through her lashes at Debbie, who is beginning to writhe beneath her. 

 

"Lou," she begs, meeting her eye. 

 

Lou raises her brow, waiting. She presses the vibrator exactly where Debbie needs it most, and she cries out. 

 

"Again, my love," Lou murmurs, bringing her face to Debbie's. 

 

She rubs her nose along Debbie's jawline and up, until their lips are almost touching. 

 

"Come for me again," she orders, quiet and firm. 

 

She presses the vibrator in place and Debbie writhes, her back arching and almost lifting her hips from the bench, and Lou with them. 

 

"Such a good girl," Lou breathes in her ear, and Debbie dissolves. 

 

This third wave is the best kind. It is deceivingly smooth to start, but crashes throughout her body within seconds, leaving her stunned and breathless. Lou guides her along, making it last, and removes the toy only when Debbie's body flinches slightly with sensitivity. 

 

She brings her mouth to Debbie's neck and gently kisses her, nibbling the skin and earlobe. 

Debbie shudders, turning towards the affection. 

She is boneless and spent, catching her breath. 

 

"Jesus Christ, Lou," she gasps, head falling back against the wall. 

 

Lou presses a firm kiss to her lips and sits back a little, still on Debbie, to look at her and finally releasing her wrists. 

Debbie just shakes her head a little. 

"So smug," she mumbles, breathing. 

Lou laughs quietly, biting her lip, and Debbie instantly wraps an arm around her waist and holds tightly as her other hand slips between Lou's legs. 

 

She sinks her fingers inside Lou, who gasps at the sudden stretching, the coy smile disappearing. 

 

Debbie starts to move her fingers and Lou's hands clench, Debbie's skin beneath her fingertips as she groans. Her eyes roll back and Debbie changes tactics. She removes her fingers just as quickly, leaving Lou surprised and displeased. 

 

"Oh, baby, don't tease me," Lou begs, raised onto her knees above Debbie.

 

Debbie keeps the arm around Lou's hips, using the other one to slowly stroke the skin of her upper thighs. 

 

"No?" Debbie replies quietly, sliding fingers through Lou's slick folds.

 

Debbie swears she can feel her throbbing beneath her fingertips. 

 

Watching Debbie come undone; dominating her and watching  _her_ beg, that turns Lou on as much as anything physical. She is so close, and Debbie knows it. 

 

"Fuck," Lou groans, as Debbie's fingers rub small circles around her pulsing center.

 

She braces a hand against the wall; the other still gripping Debbie's arm. Unable to focus, her body starts to jolt a little. 

 

Debbie is an expert at Lou's body. 

 

She grabs the nearby vibrator; Lou doesn't notice. Her eyes are closed, rolled back, and she is tensing with need. 

 

"Fuck me, baby," she whimpers. "Please."

 

Debbie doesn't have the kind of control that Lou does. She's too impatient. She doesn't make her wait. 

She pushes her fingers back inside Lou and brings the vibrator to the apex, using both to thrust Lou into oblivion. It takes seconds, and then Lou's cries fill the shower as her muscles clench against Debbie's fingers. 

Deb pays attention, bending her fingers at the right moment and sending Lou up, back to back bliss. 

The orgasm rockets through her body, and Lou quivers over top of her. She removes the toy first, feeling Lou's sensitivity rise, but keeps her fingers inside as she slowly bends them back and forth, moving in and out. 

 

Lou whimpers, her weight coming to rest on Debbie. Deb's fingers slide out.

 

Lou clumsily moves to the side, coming to sit beside her; unable to hold herself up. 

 

"God, Deb," she breathes, turning to look at her. 

 

Debbie meets her gaze and Lou reaches up to palm her cheek, running her thumb across her lips. 

 

"I love you," she says, carefully and steadily, looking into Debbie's dark eyes.

 

She watches as the words hit her; words she hasn't heard in years. Words that Debbie was afraid she'd never hear again.

 

Lou doesn't throw words out haphazardly. She doesn't fuck around, she doesn't lie, and she doesn't belong to anyone else in the world except Debbie Ocean.

 

"You don't h-"

 

"I love you, too," Debbie cuts her off. 

 

She places a hand on Lou's chest, feeling her firmly beating heart. 

 

Lou doesn't get emotional. She loves deeply and fully, but she maintains a strong persona. 

Debbie watches as Lou's eyes fill, and she knows it's not from the shower. 

A little smile curves her lips as she looks at Deb.

 

"My love," she murmurs, her hand still at Debbie's face. 

Her thumb strokes the skin; pushes back slick, stray strands of hair. 

Debbie catches her hand and presses a kiss into her palm, and holds onto the hand.

 

Lou intertwines their fingers, glancing at their hands for a moment. 

When she looks back to Debbie, she sees the beautiful eyes brimming. 

 

"Come here, darling," Lou says quietly, and she pulls Deb into her arms. 

She holds her tightly, her slim form somehow encompassing Debbie in an embrace that feels impenetrable. 

 

"I know things have been so hard," she murmurs in Debbie's ear. 

 

The tears spill from Debbie's eyes and she turns her face into Lou's neck. 

 

"But I'm here now. _We're_ here now."

 

The love behind the words makes a sob catch in Debbie's throat. 

 

"Let me take care of you now," says Lou, gentle and soft, her fingers tracing along Debbie's spine. 

 

That sort of vulnerability is terrifying to Debbie.

 

Yes, she trusts Lou, but the fear is still there. Lou knows this. But every time she sees Debbie hesitate, she is unwavering and steady; there to help her. Hold her hand. 

 

Debbie knows Lou would never hurt her. She is confident, independent, calm, and strong, but she is completely at Debbie's will. 

 

She would do anything for her; it's always been that way.

 

Lou nuzzles into Debbie's neck, placing kisses there. When their lips meet, so do the stray tears that come with this deep love. They kiss gently, softly; tongues meeting delicately and hands smoothing over wet skin. 

 

Their minds are connected; it seems as if they have been since they met.

 

Lou takes the vibrator and moves to straddle Debbie again. 

 

Their eyes meet for a moment and then Lou sinks down onto Debbie's waiting fingers and presses the toy to flesh. 

 

In sync, they move together, hips grinding and hands holding tightly onto each other. 

 

Debbie's never done this with anyone else; never watched entirely as a lover came undone before her. And she has never let anyone else see her that way. 

But with Lou...everything with Lou is different. 

 

She lets Lou stare into her - right into her - as she lets out a whimper and feels herself rising. On cue, Lou's body responds. She bucks slightly, thrusting Debbie's fingers deeper inside her, and moans.

She touches Deb's face, pressing a kiss to her perfect lips firmly before losing her focus. Foreheads resting against each other, they come together, clutching at each other as they dissolve, each for the other. 

 

Debbie's quiet gasps and Lou's throatier moans fill their ears, and they end in a tangle of limbs, breathing each other in. 

 

When Lou kisses her again, Debbie feels a new sense of calm spread through her veins. 

 

She's home. 


	3. Claude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lou tells Debbie about her brief encounter with Claude Becker, right after he sent to prison.

Lou delicately traces her fingers up and down Debbie's spine, the dark-haired beauty resting her head against Lou's chest. 

Their legs are intertwined and they're fitted together like a familiar link that's finally been reconnected. 

Lou's mind is miles away.

"I saw him once, y'know," she murmurs. 

Debbie stirs from her half-sleep. 

"Hm?" she hums, frowning. 

"Becker," Lou explains. 

The name doesn't feel like vinegar on her tongue anymore, but it's not a flavour she wants to keep tasting. 

Debbie raises her head then, looking at Lou; searching her ocean eyes. 

"What?" Her brow is furrowed with confusion and surprise. 

Lou takes a slow breath, still running her fingers along Debbie's back. She meets her gaze. 

"The day after you went in," Lou tells her. 

Debbie slowly sits up, holding the soft, silky sheet against her. Lou turns slightly onto her side, facing her and resting her head in her palm. 

"What?" Debbie manages, still in disbelief. 

As far as she knew, Lou and Claude had never met. 

Debbie had been perfectly clear at the time that she was doing that job alone. She didn't want Lou dragged into it, and besides, she and Lou weren't in a great place at the time. Once everything had gone down and Debbie had been arrested, she'd been too furious and too humiliated to even call Lou from the prison and talk about how her job within a job - making Claude Becker believe she was into him, so she could get the art job, and maybe take her mind off of her troubles with Lou - had completely and explosively failed.

She stares at Lou now, waiting for her to smooth out the story in her mind. 

Lou is characteristically calm, almost nonchalant, as she lies there twining their fingers together. 

"I went to the gallery to see him."

Debbie's brow flies up and Lou can't suppress a little grin. 

"What, that surprises you?" she teases. 

Debbie scoffs, adjusting herself so she's sitting more comfortably. 

"Just a bit," she mutters, and then rubs at her forehead. "Actually, no... Not really."

Lou may be sweet and affectionate and soft with Debbie, but not everyone gets similar treatment. Lou has no problem being blunt and honest, and coming across as though she needs nothing and no one but herself to get by. \in fact, almost everyone she's ever met would describe Lou that way. Independent. Strong. Needs no one. 

Debbie Ocean is the exception to the rule.

Lou laughs breathily. 

She watches as the gears in Debbie's head shift and grind. 

"I had to," she offers with a shrug, bringing Debbie's fingers back between hers. "I didn't know if I was going to burn the place down or kick his balls up into his gut, but I had to talk to him."

Debbie almost smiles, shaking her head as a dry laugh breathes through her. She rubs her forehead. 

"Smug little bastard, isn't he?" Lou murmurs. 

Debbie scoffs then.

"You're not usually one for understatements," she replies. 

Lou grins, her eyes sparkling through her shaggy fringe. 

"What did you say to him?" Debbie asks, her brow less furrowed but her interest no less piqued. 

Lou takes a slow, deep breath, but is as calm as ever. 

"He had no idea who I was," she begins. "Obviously."

* * *

 

**That night...**

Lou walked casually through the gallery, subtly scanning the faces. 

She knows she'll be able to pick out Claude Becker as soon as she sets sights on his cocky, sneaky face. 

She picks up the drink the bartender slides towards her, slipping a bill into the tip jar and turning around, sipping the vodka soda. 

It doesn't take her long. 

The dark-haired man in the well-cut suit, flirting shamelessly with some 20-something wearing knockoff Manolos is clearly Claude Becker. She stares at his mouth, deciphering his words. She easily reads his lips as he brags to the girl about his galleries. He's opening one in London. 

Lou doesn't stifle an eye roll. A fire is sizzling in her chest and she isn't here to waste time. 

She saunters over, standing near enough to hear them and for Claude to notice her. 

She could have done herself up in some sort of guise; smoothed her hair into a sleek little ponytail or not worn her prized leather jacket. But she's not here to grab his attention that way. Besides, she couldn't stomach it. 

But she's got his attention, and while he clearly realizes that she's not interested  _in_ him, his ego doesn't allow for him to disregard a beautiful, if somewhat masculine, woman looking at him. 

He excuses himself from the naive young girl, clearly experienced in brushing aside someone he knows he'll have no problem wooing 10 minutes later. Maintaining that cocky stance and confident expression, he struts towards Lou. 

"Have we met?" he asks. 

Lou scoffs; to a less intelligent ear, it would sound like a dry laugh. Clearly, this is what Claude hears. He smiles. 

"What?" he asks. 

"No, we haven't met," Lou replies, staring him in the eye. 

She's no stranger to making people squirm beneath that stare. She takes a certain pleasure in watching as Claude's discomfort raises. 

"But I do know who you are," Lou adds. 

Claude raises his brow, waiting. 

"I think you know my partner. Debbie Ocean?" 

The nonchalance of her tone mixed with the heaviness of the name takes Claude a moment to separate. The cocky expression melts away. First there's surprise, then distinct fear, and then someone Lou can't quite name. 

Guilt, maybe?

"Name sound familiar?" Lou smirks. 

"I don't know how well you know her, but Debbie tried to get me arr-"

"Save it," Lou cuts him off, and her tone stops him abruptly. 

His mouth clamps shut. He's clearly not used to be spoken to this way, but he's also obviously intimidated by Lou Miller. 

"Must feel pretty big right now," Lou sighs, swirling the drink in her hand. "You got away with it, and she's locked in a cell."

Claude takes a breath, regathering his earlier bravado. He slips his hands into his pockets, straightening his posture. 

"Debbie put herself there," he says. 

Lou scoffs, looking away from him for a moment so she doesn't toss her drink in his face. 

"You're Lou. Aren't you."

It's not a question. 

She meets his stare. They're eye level with each other, and her suit makes his look like it was cut by an amateur in a basement in Queens. 

"Yes, Debbie mentioned you," Claude goes on. "Seems the two of you...had a little falling out?"

Lou doesn't give him an inch. Her unwavering demeanour doesn't falter. She simply tilts her head a little, letting him see how far he might dig himself into a hole. 

"That's too bad," he says, exhaling. "It must have been tough, having your... _partner_ leave you. For a man."

Lou's characteristic smirk appears. She slowly chews the gum in her mouth. 

This confidence from Lou is new for Claude. He's a man who's used to sweet-talking his way wherever he wants to go. Lou is a brick wall. 

"And now she's doing 10 years, and you're...what?" he glances over her outfit. "Left without a partner in crime?"

He grins at his own joke, and Lou could roll her eyes at this pathetic display. But she won't break. 

"She may be locked up, but you're still a pawn on the board. Don't get too comfortable."

Claude chuckles and Lou despises him more and more by the second. His self-righteous attitude and his blasting sense of entitlement. The idea of swiftly driving her knee up into his balls is making her leg itch with impatience. 

"I suppose you're here to...what? Try and intimidate me? Threaten me?"

Lou smirks, tilting her head at him. 

"Think about this, sweetheart," Claude murmurs, stepping a little closer to Lou. 

She's so repulsed by him that she wants to step back; get away from the scent of aftershave and asshole. But she is rooted to the ground. Lou Miller doesn't back down. 

"While you were off on that bike of yours, Debbie was in my bed. I had her. Whenever I wanted."

The smirk is gone but the steely-eyed look in Lou's eyes cannot be extinguished. 

"I had her, spread out on my sheets, begging for me."

This lie, the idea of Debbie begging a man - especially this man - for anything, let alone in bed, is enough to bring the smirk back to Lou's face. 

"Oh, honey," she says. "You may have been a quick, fun fuck..."

She lingers on the word 'quick', loving when Claude's jaw clenches there, understand exactly what she means. 

"But you'll never be her best."

Dislike curls around Claude's face into a scowl. 

"A man," Lou almost laughs over the word, "could never."

She stares at him, watching something inside him come undone, and then sets her drink on a nearby display, dangerously close to a hideous piece of 'art', and then saunters past him, leaving him fuming.

"Game's not over," she says over her shoulder. 

 

* * *

 

 

Debbie chuckles, shaking her head and looking down at her Lou's fingers, gently playing with hers. 

"Oh, Lou," she murmurs. 

A little grin pulls at Lou's lips. 

"I just couldn't help myself," she sighs, shrugging a shoulder. 

A little smile remains on Debbie's face, picturing this encounter, but then it disappears. 

"Lou..."

Lou is patient, but she knows what's coming. 

"I never really apologized to you."

Lou stops fiddling with their fingers and covers Debbie's hand with hers. Warm, soft, and firm. 

"We don't have to go back there," Lou says. 

Debbie meets her eyes and Lou's brow furrows, seeing Debbie's dark eyes shining. 

"I'll never forgive myself for it," Debbie tells her. "And I don't...I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't, either."

Lou rises, the sheet precariously clinging to her naked body as she reaches out and tucks a stray lock of hair behind Debbie's ear. 

"Oh, Deb," she murmurs thoughtfully, stroking back the hair and running a thumb over Debbie's soft skin. "I already have."

Debbie's eyes threaten to spill over and she quickly ducks her head, hiding the tears from Lou. 

But Lou slips her fingers beneath Debbie's chin and lifts it, forcing her partner to look at her. 

"I have," she repeats. "And you need to."

Debbie swipes at her eyes, annoyed with herself for crying. But Lou is the only one she's ever cried over; the only one she's ever loved enough to cry over. Lou is the only one who's ever owned her heart and treated it with more care than Debbie feels like she deserves. 

Lou pulls her into her arms then, leaning them backwards to lie back down. She strokes Debbie's hair, feeling her heart beat against her own. 

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Debbie murmurs, so quiet that it's barely above a whisper. 

Lou's hold on her tightens the slightest bit; warm and safe. 

But she's unable to keep the dry remark from slipping out. 

"The heavier side of $35 mil definitely helped."

A laugh bursts out of Debbie before she can help it, and Lou chuckles, pressing her lips to Debbie's head. 

"You're such an ass," Debbie mutters, shaking her head. 

She rises a little then, dipping her mouth to press against Lou's covered breast as she stares up at Lou. 

"You're mine, though," she murmurs. 

A softer grin tugs the left side of Lou's mouth, and she runs a thumb across Debbie's slightly blushing cheeks. 

"Always, love," she promises. "I'm always yours."

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, guys.  
> Just fluff.

"What are you wearing?" Debbie frowns, slowly descending the short staircase into the kitchen area. 

"An eye mask," Lou replies, jerking her hip forward quickly to shove the utensil drawer shut. 

"Because the lighting is so overpowering in here," Debbie says dryly, gesturing, palms up, to the dimly lit loft.

Lou grins, bringing her handfuls of items to the table. 

It's little things like this that Debbie has really missed over the years; Lou's ability to take something like a bandana or an eye mask and throw it on, making it look like part of her ensemble. 

Her blonde hair is messy beneath the mask, pushed up but leaving her bangs still exactly where she wants them. 

Debbie tucks a loose strand back as she reaches Lou, who licks something off her thumb. 

"I don't know how you manage to make the simplest and weirdest things look so damn good," she murmurs, meeting Lou's eyes briefly. 

They sparkle back at her, and Lou grins. 

Debbie just smiles, rolling her eyes a little and moving to sit down. 

She looks to see what exactly Lou ordered for dinner, and lets out an audible little gasp. 

"Vegetarian spicy cashew?" she widens her eyes at Lou. 

"Of course, darling," Lou answers, sitting down across from her. 

She pushes a box towards Debbie. 

"Thank you," Debbie breathes, opening up her old favourite. 

It's like watching a well-oiled machine. Lou settles back into her seat; picks up a set of chopsticks and holds them out. Debbie is already reaching a hand out, expecting this. Lou presses the utensils into Debbie's hand and Debbie looks up at her, grinning. Lou winks at her. 

It's a familiar set of chopsticks; ones they used to use all the time, years ago. 

Lou opens a box and starts stirring it up with her own chopsticks. 

"So, I found a psychologist," she says, making it come across as nonchalant as possible. 

Debbie pauses, chopsticks halfway to her mouth, and moves her eyes to look around them. 

"Like... _in_ the loft?" she replies, looking at Lou with a deadpan expression. 

Lou chuckles, shaking her head. 

"He specializes in...trauma," she goes on. 

Debbie doesn't look at her. She takes a bite of noodles and reaches for a nearby glass of wine; one that Lou set out for her already. 

"I don't need a psychologist."

Lou tilts her head a little. 

"Honey, we  _all_ need a psychologist," she replies. 

Debbie briefly meets her gaze, giving her a dry look. 

"I don't need one, Lou," she repeats. 

Lou stirs the food in front of her. 

"You scared me last night," she says quietly. 

This makes Debbie look up at her. Her lips close together softly, unsure of what to say. 

Lou glances down at her plate, then back up at Debbie. 

"I've never seen you like that before, Deb," she murmurs. 

Debbie takes a slow, deep breath, pushing noodles around her plate. 

"I'm sorry," she offers quietly. "You don't have to be scared."

"What exactly happened in there?" Lou asks, not willing to let this conversation slip away. 

"I told you what happened," Debbie replies, her appetite suddenly gone. She pushes food around her plate anyway; it gives her something to focus on, something to do with her hands. 

"Not really," Lou counters. "Just the surface."

Debbie runs her tongue along her teeth but doesn't deny Lou a moment of eye contact. 

"I don't want to go talk to some stranger about prison," she says, quiet but firm. 

Lou nods slowly, taking a deep breath. 

"Then talk to  _me_ about it," she replies. 

Debbie clenches her jaw, looking at the chopsticks and fiddling with them. 

When she looks up, Lou is just staring at her. Her Mediterranean-blue eyes are warm and so full of love and worry for her that Debbie feels a lump appear in her throat, as if by magic. 

Lou just waits. 

Her patience will forever be something that amazes Debbie. One of about a million things about Lou that amaze her. 

Debbie doesn't love talking about her feelings, but the look in Lou's eyes makes her feel like she could maybe try. 

"Okay," she mumbles, chewing her lip. 

"Okay?" Lou repeats, leaning forward and sliding a hand out to cover Debbie's. 

Her skin is warm and soft; Debbie turns her own hand over, letting her palm meet Lou's. 

Lou wraps her fingers around Debbie's hand, squeezing their palms together. 

Debbie looks at her and her entire chest sort of twinges with a flood of wanting and adoration. 

"Okay," she agrees, very quiet but without question. 

When she looks at Lou again, the beautiful blonde just winks at her and then squeezes her hand again before releasing it. 

"They stopped making that shiraz, y'know," she says conversationally, lifting the nearby wine bottle and tipping some into Debbie's stemless glass. 

She has to grin when Debbie's eyes shoot up to meet hers, disbelief and disgust in her chocolate-brown eyes. 

"They did not," she almost whispers, fiercely. 

"Yep," Lou confirms, nodding slowly. "Nothing but Pinots coming outta there now. And a rose."

The look of disgust on Debbie's face makes Lou chuckle again as she drags chopsticks around her plate. 

"Rose," Debbie repeats, the disgust making way for a dramatic eye roll of annoyance. 

She picks up the wine glass and takes a sip, thoroughly tasting the wine; double-checking that Lou's not messing with her. 

Lou laughs at her expression. 

"Those fuckers," Debbie mutters, looking at the deep red liquid in her glass. 

"Oh, honey," Lou chuckles. "We'll find you a new one."

Debbie takes another sip, but it's not her favourite wine and this warrants feeling fairly bummed out. 

"Assholes," she mutters under her breath. 

"It's not  _that_ bad," Lou counters, cocking her head at Debbie. 

Debbie is quick with her reply. 

"But it's not  _that_ good."

Lou's missed this. Their banter. Their easy conversations. Debbie's reactions and expressions. 

She just shakes her head, chuckling, as Debbie takes another sip of the wine and shakes her head, rolling her eyes in annoyance at the idea that someone dared discontinue her favourite wine. 

"You want bourbon instead?" Lou asks then, raising her brow a little. 

"Yes," Debbie replies immediately, pushing the wine glass towards Lou. "Please."

Lou gets up, sauntering over to the liquor cabinet, and Debbie watches her. Her expression smooths out and she can't help but smile. Lou Miller is beautiful. 

And she's hers. 

 

 

 


	5. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the team realizes what they already suspected...

"What'd you order?" Debbie asks, descending the stairs as she slips on a cardigan.

"Pizza," Lou replies, tossing her phone onto the table. "And beer."

Debbie halts at the bottom of the stairs, pausing her movements to wrap the sweater around her body. 

"You  _ordered_ beer?" she frowns. 

"Yeah," Lou replies, glancing at her as she goes to grab plates.

She grins at Debbie's expression. 

"They deliver beer now," she teases. 

Debbie inhales, shaking her head as she pulls the sweater tight over her torso. 

"What a time to be alive. And not incarcerated."

Lou chuckles, stepping towards her and enveloping Debbie in her arms. 

She turns her face towards Debbie's hair, breathing her in. 

"Mm," she hums, kissing her head. "You smell good."

Debbie dips her face into the crook of Lou's neck, her lips pressing into the delicate, sweet skin. 

"So do you," she murmurs. 

The slight vibration of her words tickles Lou, sending goosebumps along her arms with a shiver. 

Lou leans back just enough to look her in the eye. She keeps an arm wrapped around her lower back, raising her other hand to tuck Debbie's hair behind her ear. 

"Nice nap?" 

Debbie exhales, nodding, a little tiredly. 

"I can sleep during the day, no fucking problem," she mutters. "It's like as soon as the moon comes up, all bets are off."

Lou's brow furrows, and Deb gives her a reassuring smile.

She touches her cheek, running her thumb across the alabaster skin and up to smooth over the lines in Lou's brow. 

"Don't," she murmurs.

_Don't worry._

"Not an option," Lou responds.

Debbie leans in and kisses her, slipping an arm around Lou's slender waist and holding her close. 

Lou's skin prickles all over and her own grip on Debbie's tightens. 

Twin breaths inhale as the kiss deepens and need starts to pulsate, low in their bellies. 

"What time is it?" Debbie murmurs, breaking the kiss by just millimeters. 

The answer comes in the form of a quick smattering of knocks on the loft door before it's throw open, revealing Constance and Nine Ball. 

Lou meets Deb's eyes and they share a slight look of regret as Debbie squeezes her waist and Lou lets her hand slide down Debbie's back as they part. 

"We shouldn't have given them those FOBs," Debbie mutters, Lou chuckling as they turn to the two women. 

"Hey hey hey," Constance calls, literally skating into the loft. 

Nine Ball gives her that look of finding Constance similar to a silly little sister as she wanders in, setting her back on a nearby armchair. 

"What's up, ladies?" she says, giving a lazy wave. 

Lou and Debbie are already walking towards them, giving each a hug. 

"You smell like a cannabis cultivation center," Lou tells Nine Ball, who just slowly grins. 

"You look like if Keith Richards fucked Debbie Harry," she replies easily, glancing down at Lou's trousers, distressed CBGB shirt, and endless rings and necklaces. 

Lou laughs, shoving her. 

"Nice," she rolls her eyes. "What can I get you to drink? We've got a few beers, but more on the way."

"Beer's good," Nine shrugs. "Thanks."

"Constance?" Lou asks, walking towards the kitchen. 

"Yeah, please," she replies, stashing her skateboard near the door. "So? How you guys been?"

"Good," Lou and Debbie respond simultaneously.

Lou grabs a handful of beers from the fridge as Debbie sinks into an armchair. 

"How's that co-op board?" Debbie says. 

"It's pretty tight," Constance grins. "I mean, I think I have a gift when it comes to like, leadership and shit."

Nine Ball snorts as she tips the bottle of beer into her mouth, but Constance just rolls her eyes, fine with the teasing. 

"You find a way to get Trump kidnapped or murdered or anything yet?" Debbie leans her head back, so she can see Nine Ball better. 

"All in good time, Deb," she replies slowly, leaning back into the couch comfortably. 

Lou and Debbie chuckle. 

The door sounds again, and opens to reveal the rest of the group of women. Tammy, Rose, Daphne, and Amita appear, calling out greetings as they walk in. 

It's been about a month since they've all seen each other. They greet each other with hugs, and a flurry of compliments on outfits and hair and just about everything else swarms around. 

Everyone's getting settled on the furniture when the buzzer sounds, and Lou checks her phone to see who it is.

It's probably the delivery guy, but she didn't get the security system installed for nothing. She buzzes the guy in. 

 

Plates and napkins and pizza boxes litter the coffee table as the group of friends chat, finished dinner. Lou rises, taking the empty pizza boxes with her. 

"Oh, Lou, don't," Rose scolds, moving to stand up. "Let me help."

"Don't even think about it," Lou orders, pointing her beer bottle at her. "You stay right there."

Rose pauses but obeys, settling back into the couch. Daphne grins, pushing Rose's drink back into her hands. 

"Told you," she flicks an eyebrow. 

Lou pauses near Debbie, leaning down. 

"You finished?" 

Debbie, head resting against the back of the chair, raises her eyes to meet Lou's. 

"Yeah," she murmurs, exhaling as she moves to stand. 

Lou presses a hand to her shoulder, silently telling her to stay there. 

She takes Debbie's plate, winking at her; her hand squeezes Debbie's shoulder, sliding back over the chair as she passes. 

The little interaction doesn't go unnoticed by the group. 

"So are you guys, like, finally...doin' this?" Constance asks, waving her hand lazily towards them. 

Lou sets the boxes and plates on the kitchen table, turning to look at her. 

"What?" Debbie asks, still comfortably sunk into the chair. 

" _This_ ," Constance enunciates, swirling her hand more meaningfully in a circle at them. "You two. Back together."

Lou smirks, amused, and continues her quick cleanup, as Debbie chuckles, taking a drink of beer. 

"Jesus Christ, finally," Constance rolls her eyes, falling back into the couch. "It's about fuckin' time."

Debbie and Lou glance at the others. Each woman shares the same expression of knowing and agreement, causing Lou and Debbie to chuckle softly. 

"Big topic of conversation for you?" Lou teases, walking back to the living room. 

"When there's a huge fuckin' pink elephant in the room, you talk about it," Constance answers.

Amita sort of shrugs as she nods. 

"Pretty obvious," she says. 

Tammy stifles a giggle in her beer bottle, and Daphne leans into the arm of the couch, head resting against her fist with a pleasant expression on her face. Only Rose looks around a little confused. 

"You didn't know?" Daphne asks her, noticing this. 

Lou sits on the arm of Debbie's chair, one foot coming to rest on the other knee as she leans back, her mouth in its signature grin. 

"Well," Rose begins, blinking a few times and then closing her mouth, leaning back further into the couch. "I suppose I didn't realize it was a  _secret_." 

"It's not," Debbie laughs softly. "There's no secret."

Lou's arm drapes across the top of the chair above Debbie. 

"But you're like,  _official_ ," Constance goes on. Deadpan as ever. 

"You call it whatever you want, honey," Lou chuckles, sipping her beer. 

Constance just slowly nods, as if this is all the confirmation she needs. She holds her hand out then, and Nine Ball reluctantly but lazily pushes a crumpled bill into it. 

The others laugh.

"You had money on it?" Amita stares, and then looks at Constance's hand. "You had  _a hundred dollars_ on it?!"

Everyone's expression changes then, to one of surprise and even a bit of shock. 

"A hundred bucks that it would happen within the month," Constance corrects. "Baller over here said six months."

"Six  _months_?" Daphne repeats, eyes wide.

"Lotta history there," Nine Ball replies with a shrug, chill as ever, shaking her head slowly. "Lawwwwtta history."

Debbie stares at her, slightly open-mouthed with shock but also amused. She chuckles. 

"You guys are ridiculous," she mutters, moving to stand up. 

Lou unconsciously lays a hand on her; it glides from her back, down over her hip as Debbie passes her. 

"And you guys are transparent  _as fuck_ ," Constance says back, grinning wide when Debbie turns to give her a look. 

Debbie just laughs, continuing to the kitchen. 

She is endlessly amused by the young woman. 

Conversation starts up again.

"Who needs another?" Debbie calls out, counting hands as they rise.

She returns from the kitchen, passing out bottles, and then returns to her seat. 

Lou's arm drapes across her as she leans back.

Muscle memory is a crazy thing. Love is even crazier. You can spend years apart from someone; you can be scared that they'll fall out of love with you; but you can't sever soulmates. From the moment Lou had pounced on her in the car on that first day back together, hugging her tightly and kissing her head, Debbie had felt her skin tingle in response; her chest twitch constantly. 

Being together again - working together again - had felt so natural, but they had both been testing waters. Feeling things out. What if, what if, what if. Both afraid that the other wouldn't feel the same. 

But Lou couldn't stop loving Debbie Ocean, even if she'd tried. And Debbie couldn't stop belonging to Lou, no matter how many years she spent in that prison, missing her with every cell in her body. 

Debbie's hand rises, taking the one of Lou's that's hanging near her shoulder. Their fingers twine together, and it's so natural and so calming and so safe that Debbie feels her throat tighten. She wrangles that in immediately. 

They are both so entirely grateful to be able to be together this way, openly and freely, that not touching isn't an option. A hand on a leg, back nestled into the other's legs. Anything. They are magnets. 

 

When the other women head out, well past midnight, Lou locks the door behind them. Debbie is clearing the clutter of empty beer bottles from the living room. Lou walks over and takes the handful from her, putting them back on the table, looking at her. 

Wordlessly, they press together, lips meeting in a breathless kiss. Lou's fingers are in her hair and Debbie's scalp tingles beneath them. When she slips a finger through the front of Lou's shirt, meeting velvet skin, Lou sighs against her mouth. 

Debbie takes a deep breath as Lou's other hand presses her lower back, holding them together. 

"God I missed you," she murmurs, her forehead resting against Lou's. 

"Tonight? Or for the past six years?" Lou teases.

Debbie laughs dryly, shaking her head.

"Ass," she mutters, and Lou kisses her again, her tongue plunging into her mouth. 

She tucks Debbie's hair back behind her ear and kisses her neck, feeling the breath hitch in Debbie's throat. 

"I couldn't do it again," Lou says softly. 

Debbie's reaction is an immediate tightening of her grasp around Lou. 

So many years apart...

"Me neither," she breathes, as Lou's lips press into the spot right below her ear. 

She shivers a little. 

Lou pulls at her, stepping backwards to the couch and sitting down. 

"Come here, you felon," she murmurs, her hands on Debbie's hips as she firmly brings her down to straddle her. 

Debbie's eyes flash and she gives Lou a look. But Lou can see the corner of her lips tugging up, trying to hide a smile. Biting her bottom lip, she slides her hands up Debbie's shirt, palming the satin skin. Debbie doesn't hesitate, she leans her entire body into Lou; grinding her hips into her and wrapping her arms around Lou's neck, as she brings her mouth to hers. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The kudos and comments really flip my skirt.  
> If I ever wore a skirt...
> 
> I appreciate it all! x


	6. Speak

 Debbie jolts awake, sitting up immediately. It makes her dizzy, mixed with the disorientation of the nightmare. 

She breathes heavily, taking stock of her surroundings. 

"Deb," Lou murmurs, and Debbie looks down to her right to see Lou, blinking awake in confusion. 

"Sorry," Deb mutters in a quick breath, moving to get out of the bed. 

Lou reaches for her but isn't quick enough. Debbie is already rushing away. 

She shuts the bathroom door and Lou hurries over, grabbing the doorknob. 

It's locked. 

"Open the door, love," Lou says softly, still slow with sleep but awareness starting to flood into her. 

Another nightmare. 

"Just give me a few minutes, Lou," Debbie croaks, and covers her face as she sinks to the floor, her back against the door. 

"No," comes Lou's response. 

It surprises both of them a bit. 

"Let me in," Lou says firmly. 

Debbie breathes, working to calm herself down. 

That fucking CO in her cell. Again. 

"Debbie," Lou's voice reaches her. 

It's almost stern. Debbie drops her head into her arms, thinking about each breath filling and leaving her lungs. 

_You're okay. You're safe._

She repeats the words like a mantra. 

An odd noise raises her head and she looks up just as the bathroom door starts to push against her. 

Lou's messy blonde head appears, followed by the long, slender body, clad only in a long t-shirt. 

Debbie frowns and her eyes find the bobby pins in Lou's hand. 

Of course. A locked door wouldn't stop her. 

Lou tosses the pins onto the counter and moves towards Debbie. 

"Don't," Debbie blurts out, one hand jolting out as if to hold Lou back. 

Lou pauses, wrestling with the hurt of being refused and the need to get down on the floor with Debbie. 

"Just...let me...I need a minute," Debbie stammers, knees still curled into her chest. 

Lou ignores her, stepping closer; sinking to the floor. 

"Lou!" Debbie cries, and her eyes fill as she backs herself up; she's stopped by the wall. There's nowhere further for her to go. 

Lou reaches for her and Debbie falters, her eyes spilling over. 

Lou's chest feels like it caves in a little, and Debbie stands, putting more space between them. 

"Talk to me, love," Lou begs quietly. 

"No!" the word shoots from Debbie's mouth and hits Lou right in the stomach. 

It hardens there, steeling her enough to be loving but firm. 

"You promised," she reminds her, giving Debbie a look. 

Debbie almost scoffs, swiping her hand across her eyes; hating the tears. 

"You don't get it," she mutters, shaking her head and turning away.

"How am I supposed to, if you won't talk to me?" Lou counters. 

A dry laugh breathes through Debbie's throat, and she turns, one hand on her hip and the other raking through her hair. 

"You  _can't_ understand," she mutters. "You weren't there. You don't...you don't  _know_ what it's like to be  _afraid to sleep_." 

Lou swallows, searching Debbie's flooded eyes. 

Her heart thumps against her ribs painfully. 

"I know what it's like to be afraid, Debbie," she replies quietly. 

Debbie meets her eyes briefly, recalling stories of Lou's past; her teenage years in Australia with her deadbeat father and alcoholic mother. 

Debbie swallows, hating herself. She gives a lazy nod, turning herself around again as she rubs a hand over her forehead. 

"I know," she croaks. 

Lou moves forward then, wrapping her fingers around Debbie's wrist, but Debbie pulls back, turning but crossing her arms over her chest. 

"You don't have to be afraid of  _me_ ," Lou stares into her eyes. 

Lou. Patient, unwavering, beautiful Lou, who loves her in a way that still baffles Debbie sometimes. The look in her blue eyes makes a fresh wave of tears flood through Debbie. 

She drops her head, covering her face with her hands, and Lou steps in and wraps her in her arms. 

Debbie starts to move back again but Lou's embrace is tight. She doesn't let her go. 

"No," she murmurs into Debbie's ear.

Debbie breaks then, as sobs start to wrack her body. And Lou holds onto her firmly, turning into Debbie's ear and soothing her softly. 

The stubbornness that Debbie Ocean was born with is nearly impossible to tame. 

She pushes back from Lou again, shaking her head as she runs her hands through her hair, turning around and walking. 

"I don't want you to..." she begins, choking on the words as she paces, "see me like this."

Lou's brow furrows with worry. 

"I've seen you every single way, Deb," she reminds her. 

Debbie shakes her head, angrily pushing tears away with one hand. 

"This is different," she mutters. "I'm...broken."

"No," Lou murmurs, stepping closer. "You're not broken, love."

"Yes, I am!" Debbie shouts, her arms jolting out to block Lou's. "I'm broken, and...dirty. And you don't want that. You  _can't_ want me like this."

Lou is in front of her in a second, her blue eyes blazing into hers as she takes Debbie's face in her palms. 

"I will have you any way I can," she says fiercely. "Don't tell me what I want."

The uncharacteristic flash of anger in Lou's eyes makes Debbie pause. She blinks, surprised again when Lou's eyes start to shimmer. 

Lou takes the silence; takes the control away from Debbie and makes it her own. She feels Debbie sway backwards a little so she moves her hands, holding onto Debbie's arms. 

"I don't care how many nights we spend in this bathroom, or how many times you try to push me away," she tells Debbie, her jaw tight. "We've spent too many fucking years apart, missing each other. We've dealt with hard times, and shitty jobs, and Claude fucking Becker, and one hurdle after another, and we are  _not_ quitting now."

Debbie blinks, swallowing as she stares into Lou's glittering eyes. Her grip on Debbie's upper arms is tight and unyielding. 

"We promised," Lou says fiercely. "We swore we couldn't do that time apart again. And we're not going to let  _this_ be a catalyst that throws us into another fucking rough patch."

Debbie's eyes move between hers, and the stunned silence from her partner makes Lou's fire die down a little. 

Her grip softens. 

It's silent for a few moments; their eyes don't leave each other and Lou's chest stops rising and falling so harshly. Her breath goes back to normal. 

"We're not," she repeats, with a deep exhale. 

Debbie's eyes fill again, but not enough to spill over. She shakes her head slightly at Lou's waiting stare, and Lou's fingers release her arms. 

Lou exhales again, leaving Debbie's eyes so she can look down at her arms; make sure she didn't bruise her. 

She rubs her thumbs over the olive skin. 

"You  _need_ to talk to me," she breathes.

When she looks back up at Debbie, her eyes are shining again and it makes Debbie's throat ache. 

Her hands come to Lou's face all by themselves; thumbs stroking the porcelain skin. 

Her lips part to speak, but then close again, looking into Lou. 

Lou watches it all happen, like a series of images that only she can decipher. 

"Try," she murmurs, seeing the battle going on inside Debbie. 

Debbie swallows, her hands falling from Lou's face and sliding down her arms. 

She's only in a t-shirt but Lou's alabaster skin is hot beneath Debbie's palms. 

Debbie's breathing isn't quite back to normal. Her chest still rises a little too quickly. But she looks at Lou, finds those sapphire eyes begging her, and finally takes a slow, deep breath. 

With a tight swallow, she opens her mouth to speak. 

 

 

 

 


	7. Loubbie

"Are couples really mashing their names together, to make new names for themselves? Or is Constance just fucking with me?" Debbie asks, after the girls have all left, and she and Lou are cleaning up the remnants of take-out and empty beer bottles. 

Lou chuckles, dropping a handful of bottles into the recycle. 

"No, that's a thing," she tells Debbie, glancing at her. 

Debbie sets a stack of plates in the sink, lost in thought. 

"Why?" she finally asks, looking confused. 

Lou laughs.

"I don't know," she shrugs, as Debbie takes down a mug and goes about making tea. "I think it started with Brangelina. It's just a 'thing' now."

"So what would we be, then?" Debbie frowns, dropping a teabag into her mug and turning to lean against the counter, facing Lou. 

Lou leans against the counter behind her, a few feet away. 

"Loubbie," she says, with a sly grin. 

Debbie's expression makes her chuckle again. 

"No," Debbie shakes her head, arms crossing over her chest. "I don't like it."

"Why?" Lou laughs.

"Because it sounds like 'lougie'. Like the phlegmy, disgusting-"

"I know what it means. What's the alternative? Dou?"

It's Debbie's turn to laugh. 

"No," she replies. "Just Debbie and Lou works fine for me."

Lou grins, chewing her gum and watching her as she picks a piece of lint off the black cashmere of her sweater. 

When she looks up and sees Lou watching her, a small smile tugs at her lips. 

"What?" 

"Nothing," Lou shakes her head slowly, still smiling. 

Debbie tilts her head at her, seeing right through her. She steps towards her, hips leading the way and sinking against Lou when she reaches her. 

Lou's hands instinctively reach out, sliding over Debbie's hips and linking behind her. 

Debbie touches the layered necklaces dangling down Lou's shirt; a couple of them hidden behind the buttons. Lou feels her skin tingle underneath Debbie's fingertips. 

"Remember that night, after the bingo hall, when the heat got shut off and we piled all of the blankets in bed and watched movies and drank wine, and just...didn't do anything or go anywhere? Just watched movies. Slept. Held on."

Lou's steady breaths deceive her underlying electrified blood, racing through her veins. 

"Mhmm," she replies, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind Debbie's ear. 

"That was right after..." Debbie begins, her tone quiet and reminiscent. 

"Right after," Lou repeats. 

 _Right after we started. Right after we stopped pretending we weren't on fire; just best friends, and finally just let ourselves **be**_. 

Debbie moves her hands, sliding them down Lou's sides and back, resting against the small of her back and pulling her closer to her. 

"I used to think about that night a lot," she murmurs, only meeting Lou's eyes in quick glances. 

Lou knows this means that she's feeling vulnerable; voicing deep feelings that rarely see light. She keeps her hands linked behind Debbie firmly. 

"Helped me fall asleep sometimes," Debbie goes on. "Even just for a little while."

A lump forms in Lou's throat that she can't swallow. 

"Then Mel woul--"

Her words cut off, choked from the throat they're struggling to get through. 

She swallows hard and Lou feels her pull back the slightest bit. She doesn't give; her hands stay on Debbie's back and her arms hold her there. 

Debbie blinks back her tears and Lou waits, patiently. 

Debbie is talking, to her, and that's all that matters. 

"Then I had to stop thinking about it," Debbie goes on, after a moment. 

Her tone is lower; it's safer in the quiet, where it can't crack. 

"I'd be thinking of you, and would wake up to...pain," Debbie chooses her words carefully. "And I had to stop."

Lou swallows at the ball in her throat again, but it refuses to move. It starts to ache and sends a sheen of tears to cover her blue eyes. But Debbie can't see, because she's only staring at Lou's necklaces and Lou knows that she's not even really seeing them. She's somewhere else. 

"I had to stop thinking about you so much," Debbie goes on, "and I don't know how I did it. You'd still pop into my head, every single day, and I'd have to...make you disappear."

Lou's firm hold on her keeps her there; otherwise, she'd have been gone by now. And if she doesn't look right into those blue eyes, she thinks she can keep talking a bit more. 

"And that hurt even more," Debbie exhales quietly. 

Lou keeps her left arm tight around Debbie, but raises her right hand to stroke her cheek, waiting for Debbie to meet her gaze. 

"I never stopped thinking about you," she murmurs. 

Her lips part in stunned silence as Debbie's eyes immediately fill. She ducks her head and Lou feels her move backwards a bit, so she tightens her hold and pulls Debbie into a full embrace. 

"Come here, love," she murmurs into Debbie's ear. 

Debbie lets herself sink into Lou's embrace. Hears the words Lou had said in the bathroom, both of those bad nights after nightmares. Hears her own promise to try. 

"I thought maybe you would," she confesses, so quietly. 

Lou closes her eyes, turning her face towards Debbie's hair and slowly breathing her in. 

"No, baby," she promises. "Even if I'd tried.... I'll belong to you until the day I die."

Debbie buries her face in Lou's neck, inhaling her familiar scent. A scent she was scared she might never get to immerse herself in ever again, during those long years in prison. 

She's not ready to show her tear-stained face; Lou is patient and knows this. She just holds her, letting her rest in her arms as she slowly run a hand along Debbie's back. 

"Maybe ever since that night, we've both just been holding on," Lou murmurs. 

Debbie raises her head at this, finally meeting Lou's shining sapphire eyes. 

She searches them, finding them wide open and vibrant. Debbie can read anyone, and she's never been able to see a spit of dishonesty in Lou's eyes. Not with her; not with her heart. Lou can steal royal jewels from The Met, but she will never be able to tell Debbie a lie. She's never wanted to. 

They've hurt each other, never meaning to, and still, they're here. Holding on. 

"Yeah," Debbie murmurs, her eyes moving over Lou's face. 

Her fingers raise then, gently stroking the alabaster skin; the dusty-rose lips. 

She doesn't hesitate because she doesn't have to. She leans in and presses her lips to Lou's, feeling her entire chest flutter awake, as if she'd been sleeping. 

Lou's hands glide up her back and Debbie's skin tingles in their wake. Her hips press forward unconsciously, toward Lou's. 

But all she really wants right now is to feel like she did on that night. To mix that fresh, new feeling with this deep intimacy, after so many years of knowing each other. 

She tips her forehead against Lou's, their lips parting as they breathe. 

"It kind of already feels like the heat's been turned off in here," she murmurs, a little smile hinting at her lips. 

Lou leans her head back, that signature grin on her lips. 

"I told you what it's like to heat this son of a bitch," she replies softly, looking from Debbie's lips up to her chocolaty eyes. 

She looks into them for a moment, finding all of the unsaid words. 

"I'll get the wine," she murmurs, and her chest twinges when Debbie's smile breaks through. 

She ignores the mug and the teabag; the kettle that she'd never even turned on, as Lou reaches into the wine rack and pulls out a bottle of red. 

Her other arm sweeps across Debbie's shoulders and palms her head, pulling her towards her so she can press a kiss to her temple as they head for the stairs. 

"If I remember correctly..." she says, as they ascend the staircase. "There was a strict No Clothing rule."

Debbie laughs, light and breathy, holding onto the hand flung over her shoulder. 

"Rules are rules," she replies, and Lou pulls her close and bites gently at her neck, making her laugh as they reach the bedroom. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Realistic

"I'll be back in a few, okay?" Lou lets a hand slide down Debbie's back as she sits at the bar. 

"Mhmm," Debbie hums, giving Lou a smile as she sips her drink. 

Lou gives her That Grin as she starts to walk away and Debbie's smile widens as she laughs lightly. 

She settles into her seat at the bar, taking a look around. 

She likes Lou's club. It's the first time she's actually  _been_ in a club in almost a decade, but the crowd here doesn't seem to include 20-somethings, so she doesn't feel totally out of place. The music might be a bit louder than she's heard in a while, but she kind of likes its ability to make it harder for her to think. 

This way, she can just lean back, sip her bourbon, and people-watch. 

She takes in the huge dance floor; the industrial feel of the place, and the somewhat-concealed metal staircase that swirls up to the second floor, where Lou went. Where her office is. Where - Debbie knows - a small army of trusted workers are watering down well vodka. 

Debbie smiles to herself, sipping her drink. Leave it to Lou to find a way to "safely" steal. 

There's a dark-haired woman a few stools over. She had watched as Debbie and Lou arrived and has been glancing at Debbie, not inconspicuously. Debbie can feel her eyes; she moves her own to look over. The woman is looking at her, again, and offers a small smile as she sips a martini. 

If you knew Debbie, you'd recognize the slight curve of her lips as a somewhat amused smile. If you didn't, you'd probably be intimidated by her. 

Debbie is used to having this effect on people, and she likes it. The woman, though, doesn't seem to be intimidated. 

Debbie takes a breath, leaning an arm on the stool and glancing around. 

This club is literally as if Lou was an inanimate object. The colours, the industrial feel, the metal. The music. It bounces from Sofi Tukker to Parov Stelar to Aisha Badru; there's no set genre, but people dance to every song. 

When Debbie turns her head back around she's a little startled to find the woman sidling up, taking the stool beside her. 

"Hey," she says, sitting down and draping one long leg over the other. 

She regards Debbie with a calm, confident look. 

"Hey," Debbie replies, not exactly welcoming a conversation but as confident and self-assured as always. 

"I've never seen you here before," the woman says, watching Debbie. 

Her lips tilt up at the corner; a cocky half-smile. 

Debbie feels like a game is starting.

Her own legs are crossed; long, olive-skinned, and smooth, beneath her short, black dress. She stays leaned back, casually staring back. 

"Hm," comes her response, as she takes another drink. 

"New in town?" the woman asks. 

Debbie considers her, swallowing a sip of bourbon. 

She looks over and meets the bartender's eye; taps the rim of her glass gently. He nods. 

"No," she answers the woman, meeting her eye for a moment. 

The woman nods slowly. 

"I love this place," she says then, setting her drink on the bar and leaning forward on her knees.

She's showcasing a rather idyllic sets of breasts, but Debbie doesn't give her the satisfaction of looking. 

"Yeah, it's great," she exhales, glancing around. "Like some spontaneous party in an old warehouse."

The woman laughs and offers her hand. 

"I'm Jess."

Debbie doesn't trust her, but she's not sure why. Still, she'll play her game. 

"Debbie," she replies, shaking the hand. 

Matching firm handshakes make both women reconsider the other for a moment, impressed. 

"Debbie," Jess murmurs, her lips tilting up at one corner, as if the name is familiar. 

Debbie side-eyes her as she takes a drink from the new glass the bartender sits in front of her. 

"Yep," she replies.

She wonders where Lou is. Not that she doesn't like the place, but suddenly she'd rather find some quiet hole in the wall, or go back to the loft. 

"You came in with Lou."

Debbie pauses, barely, and sets her glass back on the bar, licking the bourbon from her lips. 

The sly little glint in Jess's eye reminds Debbie that she should be on her game. 

"You know Lou?" she asks conversationally, ignoring the slight tightening in her gut. 

"I do," Jess replies.

Debbie looks at her, understanding her completely. 

Lou's impeccable timing slides her in between the two stools. 

"Hey," she smiles at Debbie, but the look in Debbie's eye stills that smile for a moment. 

She turns to look at the person she knows is sitting there, and Debbie watches as a sort of dry look passes over her face, along with recognition. She pauses chewing her gum and a little breath of a laugh escapes as she gestures to the bartender. 

"Jess," Lou says, leaning on Debbie's stool; her fingers graze Debbie's arm. 

"Hey Lou," Jess smiles, a real smile as opposed to the toying one she's been giving Debbie. 

She reaches out and runs a hand along Lou's forearm, squeezing it as she rises and leans in, kissing her cheek. 

"How've you been?"

Realization makes a pit form in Debbie's belly; one she knows has no right being there. 

"Good," Lou replies, as calm and pragmatic as ever. "You?"

Jess's smile hasn't left her face. She shrugs, giving Lou what can only be described as a coquettish look. 

"Good," she answers. "It's been a while."

Lou leans in to take the drink that the bartender sets down for her, nodding a thanks to him. 

"Has it?" she says, glancing at Jess. 

She barely meets her eye, choosing instead to look down at Debbie. Her chocolate-brown eyes are smoky and blazing. Lou knows what it means. 

"At least...six months, I'd say," Jess replies, pretending to think.

It's clear that this estimation is accurate. 

Debbie does quick math. Six months...only weeks before she'd been released. 

"Hm," Lou hums, taking a drink; grazing her fingers along Debbie's arm again as she leans against the stool. "What brings you here?"

Jess laughs, her dark-brown eyes twinkling beneath thick lashes. 

She tilts her head a little and a thick cascade of loose, dark waves fall down her arm. The way she looks at Lou, it's pretty clear what brought her back. But she looks at Debbie then, the smile never leaving her face but certainly taking on a cooler tone. 

"Just...reminiscing," she replies, eyes back on Lou. "Old times, old...friends."

Lou laughs, dry and light. 

"Well, Jules is bartending at the back bar tonight," she says, lazily gesturing with her head. 

She looks down at Debbie again, running her thumb along her arm and sliding her hand back across her shoulders. 

"Ready?" she asks. 

Debbie meets Lou's eyes just long enough for Lou to see everything happening in that head of hers. 

"Sure," she replies, slowly tipping her drink back.

She stands, meeting Jess's stare. 

"So nice to meet you," she says, giving Jess the same cool smile that she'd been giving her. 

Jess's lips twitch into a quick half-smile, and Debbie can see that she's annoyed. 

"You too," she murmurs, already looking away. 

Debbie sees the way she looks at Lou as Lou's hand slides along Debbie's back, guiding her away. 

Lou meets Jess's eye with a disinterested but unimpressed look as they pass her. 

* * *

 

Outside, Debbie shrugs into her coat with stiff shoulders. 

"Hey," Lou murmurs, reaching for her. 

Debbie moves back, out of reach, flinging her long, dark hair out from her coat. 

"Deb," Lou says more firmly. 

"What?" Debbie mutters, finally meeting her eye. 

Lou tilts her head a little, understanding but rational. 

"She was nobody," she says gently. 

Debbie scoffs, folding her arms over her chest and starting to walk. 

"Yeah, she really looks like  _nobody_ ," she retorts. 

Lou scoffs lightly, following her.

"Don't do that," Debbie blazes, spinning around and coming face to face with her. 

Lou blinks.

"Do what?" she counters. 

"You know what," Debbie glares, turning on her heel and walking again. 

"Debbie, it was months ago," Lou says, falling into step beside her. 

"Yeah, I heard."

Debbie can't see her roll her eyes before Lou grabs her arm, forcing her to stop. She pushes her carefully against the wall of the building beside them, forcing Debbie to look at her. 

"She was  _nobody_ ," Lou repeats, her face close to Debbie's and her eyes wide and stern. 

Debbie stares back, her jaw clenched. 

"Nobody who clearly spent more than a few nights in your bed," she mutters. 

"No one," Lou says firmly, looking from one eye to the other, "slept in my bed."

Debbie rolls her eyes, shaking her head and looking away. 

"What, you think I spent seven years  _celibate_ , or something?" Lou ask, brow raising. 

Debbie slowly fills her lungs, refusing to look at Lou. 

"Of course not," she admits bitterly. 

Lou presses a hand against the wall beside Debbie's head, leaning there. Looking at her and waiting for Debbie to look back. 

"Not really sure what you're doing with me, though, if  _that's_ what you like," Debbie murmurs, with more vulnerability than Lou's used to from her. 

She is dumbstruck. 

"What?" she frowns, moving her head so she's closer to Deb; trying to make her look at her. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, Lou," Debbie finally meets her eye, and her brown eyes are glittering again with their usual fierceness. "We're not exactly in the same  _category_.":

Lou's brow remains furrowed as she stares at Debbie, hearing the dumbest thing her partner has ever said. 

"No, you're not," Lou answers, no-nonsense. "She's a pretty idiot, who was easy and accessible. And you..."

She stares but Debbie won't meet her eye. 

Debbie looks at the ground, at her watch for a second; anywhere but at Lou. 

So Lou takes her chin in her hand and forces her to face her. Typical stubborn Debbie keeps her eyes lowered. 

"Debbie," Lou says, quiet but stern. 

She watches Debbie's jaw clench; her chin jut forward just a bit with defiance. 

Then Lou's other hand comes to palm her cheek, stroking the skin with her thumb, and Debbie falters. She swallows hard, and finally meets Lou's intent stare. 

" _You_ are _everything_ ," Lou tells her; her Mediterranean-blue irises are barely visible, hidden by the blown pupils. "You are who I missed. Who I ached for. Who I thought of. Who I need. You're who I...pictured. Always."

Debbie feels her eyes prickle; looks down again. 

Lou doesn't take her eyes off her. She tucks a lock of hair behind Debbie's ear. 

"You're why I could never let anyone sleep over. I didn't even...let anyone in my room."

Debbie's surprise is clear as she raises her eyes. 

"What, there are four bedrooms in the loft," Lou mutters, shrugging as she straightens, no longer leaning on the wall. "Mine was...off-limits."

Debbie swallows, looking at Lou. 

She takes a slow, deep breath as Lou looks at her again. 

She can picture it - even though it makes her stomach churn. Lou with someone else...but not letting them get close. 

"I know I'm not allowed to be jealous," Debbie murmurs then, barely above a whisper; her eyes dipping to stare at the ground. 

Lou touches her cheek again. 

"You don't need to be," Lou corrects. "There's only you."

Debbie blinks at her stinging eyes, refusing to look up until she knows they're not about to betray her and spill over. 

"This is really fucking hard," she whispers, glancing at Lou. 

Debbie's still against the wall. Lou pulls at her, bringing her into her arms and enveloping her. 

"I know," Lou murmurs, burying her face in Debbie's hair. 

It's cold. Lou thinks of Debbie's bare legs; feels her shiver slightly in her arms. 

She releases Debbie only enough to slip her hand into hers; twine their fingers together. 

"Let's go home," she says quietly, thumb stroking Debbie's cheek. 

Debbie nods, turning slightly; trying to hide her emotional eyes. She knows Lou can see right through her. 

Lou turns her chin towards her and kisses her, and Debbie feels her body tingle with warmth. 

For a second, she stops shivering, and then Lou pulls her along. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I have a very hard time keep them in a fight.  
> I'm a soft, soft idiot.
> 
> Your comments give me life.


	9. Relearning

"You know it," Debbie eyes Lou, pouring a generous splash of bourbon into one glass; vodka into another. "She was there  _for you_."

 

Lou scoffs, dismissing this as she puts a few clean glasses into the cupboard. 

 

"Whatever," Lou exhales. "I couldn't care less."

 

Debbie hands her the drink and Lou takes a sip before continuing the menial tasks that Debbie never seems to notice need to be done. 

 

"What if we weren't together?" Debbie asks, head tilted as if to pass this off as nonchalant. 

 

Lou meets her eye for a second. 

 

"I don't have feelings for her, Deb," she says. "Never did."

 

Debbie takes a breath, trying to dispel the leftover jealousy in her chest. 

 

"Do you still wanna go visit Danny tomorrow?" Lou changes the subject. 

 

"Yeah," Debbie replies. "It really seemed like she has feelings for  _you._ "

 

Lou exhales deeply, pausing her work to look at Debbie straight on, head tilted. 

 

"I don't  _care_ , Deb," she breathes. "Trust me. She's nothing to me. And besides, I wouldn't ever do that to you."

 

The way she says it makes Debbie stop and frown at her, but Lou goes back to grabbing clean dishes. 

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

 

"What?" Lou mutters, but she knows nothing gets past Debbie. 

 

" _You_ wouldn't do that to  _me_ ," Debbie accentuates heavily the words that Lou had lightly lilted. 

 

"I mean I wouldn't do that to you," Lou says. 

 

"And I would?" Debbie raises her brow. 

 

Lou's mouth closes. She doesn't look at her. 

 

"You don't trust me," Debbie murmurs, almost to herself. 

 

Lou glances at her; continues putting dishes back into the cupboard. 

 

"Of course I do," she replies. 

 

Debbie crosses her arms, leaning on one hip as she stares at Lou. 

 

"No, you don't. You think I'll hurt you," she says.

 

Lou takes a deep breath and leans against the counter; crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at Deb. 

 

Brown eyes burn into blue. 

 

"You think I'm someone that you need to protect yourself from," Debbie goes on. 

 

"What are you talking about?" Lou tilts her head, unaware of her own body language betraying her. 

 

Debbie gestures to her crossed arms. 

 

"You're doing it right now," she says. "You're trying to protect yourself. From  _me_." 

 

Lou swallows, letting her arms uncross; she opts for sliding them into her back pockets. 

 

"You're still doing it," Debbie says bluntly. 

 

Lou exhales deeply, walking from the kitchen towards...nowhere. Just moving. 

 

"What are you, a body-language expert now?" she mutters.

 

"When have I not been?" Debbie counters, as if this is a silly question; turning her body to face Lou's as she walks. 

 

Towards the living room. Past the couch. Near the stairs. 

 

"This is ridiculous," Lou mumbles.

 

"Can you just admit it?" Debbie asks, coming nearer. 

 

Lou sits on the stairs behind her; rests her arms on bent knees. 

 

Debbie waits, looking at her. She's patient; even for Debbie. 

 

"I trust you with my life, Deb," Lou finally murmurs, fiddling with a ring on her finger. 

 

"But?" Debbie says, knowing. 

 

She raises her brow a little. 

 

Lou meets her stare for a moment before looking back down at her fingers. 

 

"But," she begins quietly, "you left me."

 

"Lou," Debbie says gently, coming closer.

 

"Don't," Lou says softly, with a little shake of her head. 

 

Debbie stops, closer but not touching her. 

 

Lou takes a slow, deep breath. Her chest feels tight. 

 

An hour ago, they'd been wrapped up in each other, breathing hard and gasping. 

Now she can't breathe, for an entirely different reason. 

 

"I'm not going anywhere, Lou," Debbie says firmly, but with the softer voice she only ever really uses for Lou. 

 

Lou glances at her but her eyes drop again, lost in her own thoughts. 

 

"I need you to believe me," Debbie pleads.

 

Lou's jaw clenches and loosens; she chews the inside of her lip. 

Debbie crouches down in front of her and reaches out; tugs gently on her chin so Lou's lip pops out; so she can't chew it. 

One of Lou's nervous tics. 

 

Close up, Debbie finds Lou's eyes shiny with tears that she won't let escape. 

 

"Baby," Debbie murmurs, reaching for her. 

 

She wraps her arms around Lou and palms her head, holding her tightly. She turns towards her; breathes her in. 

 

"I swear on everything I have that I won't leave you again."

 

Lou rests her forehead on Debbie's shoulder; does her best to wrangle her emotions in. 

Her breath is warm against Debbie's skin, and Deb can smell the familiar vanilla scent on Lou. Vanilla and home. That's what Lou smells like, and Debbie knows she's never bought a bottle of perfume in her life.

 

"You might," Lou finally speaks. 

 

Debbie releases her just enough so that she can meet her eye. 

 

Lou's gemstone eyes are sparkling. 

 

"I won't," Debbie counters. 

 

Lou exhales, looking away. 

 

"Who knows what's gonna happen? Tomorrow, next week, in 10 years," she mutters. "You might meet someone else."

 

"How can you say that?" Debbie frowns, her fingers wrapped around Lou's arms. 

 

"Because it already happened," Lou answers easily. 

 

Debbie stares, lost. 

 

"I never had feelings for Claude," she says, hating that his name is even here, rolling off her tongue. 

 

Lou's head sort of tilts a little when she looks at Debbie. 

 

"There was something," she murmurs. 

 

"No. There wasn't," Debbie says firmly. "Claude was a job."

  
"A job that you took because we were...whatever. And you were lonely. And we were  _whatever_  because you wanted space. Then you met him and the next time I saw you, you were in Correctional Orange polyester and I didn't see you for almost six years."

 

Debbie swallows, staring into Lou's eyes. One, then the other. 

 

"What's to stop you from running again, when you get scared? When you get worried about some girl, and maybe just decide to run. What's gonna stop you this time?" Lou asks, her tone of voice back to normal; one eyebrow raising slightly. 

 

"This," Debbie answers quickly. "You. Us. I'm _not_ going anywhere."

 

Lou lets her eyes fall, back to her bejeweled hands. 

 

"That wasn't enough for you last time," she says quietly.

 

"This isn't last time," Debbie says, her tone a little more firm. "I thought..."

 

She swallows, pressing her lips together for a moment. Lou glances at her. 

 

"I thought we were past this," Debbie finishes. 

 

"Yeah," is all Lou murmurs, looking away. 

 

"I need you to believe me, Lou," Debbie says, her tone so soft and scared that Lou's surprise makes her lift her head to look at her. 

 

Debbie's dark-chocolate eyes are glistening in front of her. Lou's lips part, surprised. 

 

"I need you to believe that everything before now was only bringing us here," Debbie goes on. "That there isn't and never will be anyone else. That we'll be sitting here, face to face, in 30 years, and still be completely in love with each other. I need you to know that I have never hurt you on purpose. I know I hurt you, I know that. I hate myself for it."

 

She swallows, her eyes still wet but not overflowing, and Lou stares. 

 

"We keep talking about  _me_ , and the stupid nightmares, and  _you_ are always helping  _me_ , but you never let me help you."

 

Lou looks away. 

 

"You never let me take care of you."

 

She reaches out and lays a hand on Lou's knee. She takes it as a good sign that Lou doesn't push it away. 

 

Lou tries to be as quiet as possible when she inhales a huge, much-needed lungful of air. 

 

"We both know my demons, but you always try to keep yours to yourself. You never let me in all the way," Debbie says, not taking her eyes off Lou's, even if Lou won't look at her.

 

"Please, just let me in, Lou."

 

Lou chews her lip. 

 

"You  _were_ in," she murmurs. 

 

She meets Debbie's eyes only for a moment. 

 

"You were in, and no one else ever has been. When you left, it--"

 

The words choke off; Lou swallows, takes a breath. 

 

"I trust you, Debbie," she begins again, meeting Deb's eyes for a moment. "I trust you with my life. I trust you with a lot of things. But...I'm still trying to trust you with my heart."

 

Debbie's eyes fill even more; her weight sinks a little as she crouches and she looks physically pained. 

 

"I'm trying," Lou murmurs. 

 

The words lift Debbie just a little. 

 

"Just because I missed you so much that it physically hurt, doesn't mean that having you back isn't hard sometimes," Lou explains. 

 

Debbie tightens her grip on Lou's knee. 

 

"I know," she replies, so quiet. 

 

"And getting jealous about some girl isn't fair, when you're the one who...disappeared."

 

The words hit her in the gut; make it hard for her to swallow without feeling like she might throw up. 

 

"I'm sorry, Lou," she murmurs, almost a whisper as she stares down at her hand on Lou's knee. 

 

"I know," Lou replies quietly. "In a way, this is new for both of us. It's...hard for both of us."

 

The words settle into Debbie's ears. 

 

She hadn't really thought of it that way. 

 

"It's like relearning how to...be together," Lou explains quietly. "We did it for years. You're as much a part of me as my own body is. You're like a limb. But now it's like it was broken and it's just starting to move on its own again."

 

Debbie meets her eye, and they're so soft and warm, so blue, that her own eyes immediately sting.

 

Lou covers her hand with hers then, and Debbie closes her eyes against her tears, dropping her head so Lou can't see her face twist slightly with the aching pulse of her own heart. 

 

"I'll never not love you, Deb," Lou adds. "I'm yours. I have been since we were 19. I just need to..."

 

"Relearn," Debbie murmurs. 

 

"Yeah," Lou sighs. 

 

She exhales, feeling the tension leave her body. She just has to look at Debbie to see that hers is still there. 

 

An old record is playing on Lou's vintage gramophone. A gift from, Debbie, actually. She'd swiped it from an old bag when they were 22, and the woman had outbid them at an estate sale. She'd been a bitch to Lou; used a particular term that Debbie hates. So Debbie had done what she does best and sneakily nabbed it. 

 

Lou slips her fingers underneath Debbie's palm; twines their fingers together and slowly stands, bringing Debbie with her. 

Wordlessly, Lou pulls her into her arms and starts to sway with the music. 

 

Lou watches as some of the anxiety lifts from Debbie's features. Eye to eye, they sway together, and then Debbie moves forward to press her lips to Lou's. Lou's hand, on the small of her back, pulls her a little closer. 

 

When their eyes meet again, it's just for a moment. Softened and damp, but stronger somehow. 

 

Then Debbie rests her head into the crook of Lou's neck and closes her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments, coffee, and apparently not writing drawn-out fights.


	10. Run

Anxiety creeps into Lou’s blood like a pathogen, coursing through and poisoning everything in its path.

She doesn’t want to think about how far she’s fallen for Debbie, all over again, because it’s terrifying her. Even now, as they sit on the couch, folded together as a movie plays on the TV, completely ignored, Lou wants to lose herself in Debbie. Which means at the same time, something inside her is telling her to run.

Debbie can tell that something’s going on. Lou’s eyes have been wandering all night, and the look that passes over her face constantly makes Debbie’s stomach flutter in a bad way. That look scares her.

She’s quiet and gentle with Lou, setting a warm palm on her cheek; her leg; wherever she can reach.

“Why do you look like you’ve got the whole world on your shoulders?” Debbie murmurs finally.

Lou swallows, not meeting her eye.

Fear ripples through Debbie’s body.

She cups Lou’s cheek, turning her to face her.

Her entire face falls into a worried stare when she sees how Lou’s eyes are sparkling with tears.

“What is it, baby? Talk to me,” Debbie murmurs, stroking her cheek and reaching her other hand out to clamp over one of Lou's.

The feeling that has settled over Lou over the last couple of weeks, since the night at her club with Jess, can only be described as warmth. The warmth of Debbie; the familiarity of her and the long-standing love that's never gone away between them.

And it terrifies Lou.

Debbie's dark eyes search hers, scouring desperately for answers, but the ocean-blue eyes avoid hers. 

"Lou," Debbie murmurs, reaching for her.

Lou practically flinches at her touch and Debbie feels it like a slap. 

Lou is already standing, walking away from her before Debbie can do anything. 

"I don’t think I can do this, Debbie," she barely gets the words out; they're whispered and rasping; words she doesn't want to say but also can't contain. 

Debbie feels her stomach lurch; her heart seemingly drop in her chest. 

"What do you mean, love?" Debbie stands, stepping towards her. 

Lou is on the other side of the coffee table, using it like a barrier. 

"I don't know. I just...can't!" Lou cries, and a sob escapes her throat. 

She covers her mouth, hating that Debbie heard it; is seeing her cry. 

She covers her face with both hands, turning away. 

"What are you so scared of, baby?" Debbie asks gently. 

She's doing her best to stay calm, even as panic and fear rise inside her. 

Lou turns then, a quick movement to find Debbie's face. 

She's closer than Lou expected. She'd stepped past the coffee table when Lou's back was turned, so she's within arm's reach. 

Lou startles, swallowing hard as she takes several steps backwards. 

The way Debbie's brow flickers at this rejection makes both of them feel an ache, deep in their chests. 

"I'm not going anywhere, honey," Debbie tells her softly, not taking her eyes off Lou. 

Lou's arms are crossed over her chest; she barely looks at Debbie and she keeps pacing one or two steps. Hugging her arms around herself. 

 _That's_ my _job_ , Debbie thinks to herself. 

But Lou's retreated back into her concrete castle and Debbie can almost feel the cold wall holding her back; keeping her away.

She hasn't seen Lou like this since they were young. Fresh and starting to feel this thing out. 

"Everyone says that," Lou mutters, her voice low. 

"I'm not everyone," Debbie counters, her tone gentle but firm. 

Lou's eyes simply pass over Debbie's as she turns to pace the other way; her thumbnail in between her teeth. Debbie can tell that she doesn't believe a word she’s saying. 

"I'm just not sure that it's a good idea," Lou mutters, swiping at the tears that keep escaping. 

Debbie feels her pain like a sting. 

"Baby, everyone goes through breakups and changes in relationships," Debbie begins, stepping slightly closer. "We all do. Until one day you find the right person, and no one leaves. Because with the right person, there is no walking away. Even when it's hard, you work at it and you fight for each other. We found each other a lifetime ago, and we're still here. Despite...everything."

It's a beautiful sentiment, but Lou just shakes her head a little. No one could love her that much.

"You don't think I love you like that?" Debbie asks calmly. "Enough to fight for you? To work at it?"

Lou swallows and her head stays slightly turned, her chin down. Her eyes raise to meet Debbie's and her shining eyes refill with tears. 

She can stay calm, but it doesn't mean she can hold back tears. 

"No," Lou says, bluntly but softly; the syllable like ice in Debbie's chest. 

 _This,_ Debbie thinks.  _This is what she meant about not trusting me with her heart._

Her lips part a little, stunned as she stares at her. Lou has to look away. The pain in Debbie's eyes is deep and sharp, and Lou caused it; she owns it and she has to carry it. 

She mutters to herself; Debbie catches the words 'no one', and she steps forward immediately. 

Her expression hardens as she grabs Lou's upper arms, forcing her to stay still; to look at her. 

" _I_ do," she says fiercely, her brown eyes burning into the sparkling blue of Lou's. 

Tears fall constantly and she keeps swiping her sleeve over them, irritated. 

" _I_ love you like that," Debbie squeezes her arms. "I know it's scary and I know you think no one could love you so unconditionally, but  _I_ do. I know we're still figuring this out, but I won't hurt you, Lou. I won't."

Lou squirms as a heavy wave of tears floods her eyes, but Debbie doesn't let go of her. Lou ducks her head, hiding her face; hiding her tears, but she can't hide another sob that bursts free. 

She can't step away but she can lift her hands to her face. She buries it in her sleeve-covered hands as another sob erupts, making way for another, and another. 

Debbie pulls her into her arms and wraps them tightly around her. 

"No," Lou cries, pushing at her. 

Debbie releases her from her embrace but wraps her fingers around her arms again, keeping her there however she can. 

"I just can't, Deb," Lou cries, and she's looking right at her. 

Her cerulean eyes are glittering with tears and breaking Debbie's heart with the pain that lies in them. 

"Are you just going to try and avoid it forever?" Debbie asks quietly. "You and me? You're just going to keep yourself locked up and never let me - let anyone - love you? Never let anyone in?"

Lou swallows and a hiccup jolts her body. 

It's so adorable that Debbie wants to kiss her. 

"You let Tammy in before," Debbie points out. "And Danny. You let them love you and take care of you."

"It's different," Lou croaks.

Her shoulders are still tensed up; her elbows pinned close to her body and her hands balled up in fists, half-covered by her sleeves. 

"Why?" Debbie demands. 

'Because!" Lou cries, turning slightly, pulling at Debbie's grasp, but Deb maintains her hold. 

"Because you don't love  _me_ that much?" Debbie murmurs, searching her eyes.

They're basically the same height, but with Lou's chin tucked down near her chest, when she looks up at Debbie she has to look up through her soaked eyelashes. 

She's so beautiful it makes Debbie's throat ache. 

Her eyes are full, constantly; intermittently spilling tears. 

"Because I  _do_!" Lou cries, yanking her arms hard enough to escape. 

The words had stunned Debbie enough for her to not pay attention; her grip had loosened. 

"I  _do_ love you that much, and you're one more person that I could lose and you’re who I couldn't handle losing. Not again."

She cries openly now, unable to contain it, but keeps covering her mouth with her sleeve. She keeps meeting Debbie's stare, and somehow this gives Deb a flicker of hope. 

"Losing you would -" she cuts off, turning as a heavy sob escapes. "I couldn't handle it!"

She hugs herself, turning away, and Debbie reaches for her but then forces herself to pull back; to let Lou get all of this out. 

Her fists clench at her sides, desperately wanting to fill her palms with Lou's cheeks and kiss her; take her pain away. 

"I love you that much, but it's heavier because I'm  _in_ love with you. I'm stupidly, entirely, completely in love with you and when you leave again it's going to cut a hole in me so deep that I won't be able handle it!"

Her words spill out, like a deluge unable to be contained, and they're punctuated by intermittent sobs.

Debbie's eyes are streaming, seeing it; hearing her. 

"And you can't say that you'll never leave, because you don't know that! You can promise all you want but you won't be able to help it when one day you just don't love me anymore. And when that happens, I'll  _want_ you to go. I could never live with myself knowing that you were only staying because you didn't want to hurt me. That you weren't in love with me anymore but you wouldn't say it, and I'd be the idiot  _believing_ that you still love me."

Debbie's parted lips are soaked with tears and her dark eyes are unblinking and wide as she stares. She's horrified and devastated and aching. 

"So yes, I want to keep myself...locked up," Lou sobs. "Because it's safer and it's what I know. It's what I  _know_. Being by myself and managing what I feel, alone."

A quiet sob escapes from Debbie and they're both so surprised by it that Lou meets her eye and stares for a second. 

Then her eyes refill and her face breaks with the ache of Debbie's pain. Lou can feel her own pain  _and_ Debbie's. 

Deb's hand comes up; a closed fist against her mouth. 

"Loving you  _hurts_ ," Lou sobs, slightly deflated now; exhausted by her own emotions. "I can feel it in my chest and in my stomach and  _everywhere_ , and I hate it because I think about you leaving; I think about you with someone else, and it makes me -"

She cuts off, stifling a sob behind her sleeve, and turns away again as the emotions get too heavy. 

"I don't  _want_ someone else," Debbie blurts out. 

Lou's eyes close as more tears fill her eyes, hot and oppressive, and she sinks to the floor where she stands. 

At first Debbie's afraid that she's falling, and she kind of is. Lou's legs won't hold her up anymore. She drops to the carpet and sits, folding herself up and crying into her knees. 

Debbie falls with her, wrapping her arms around her. 

"No," Lou cries, sobbing the word as she shrugs and squirms, but Debbie grabs her chin so quickly; so firmly, that Lou pauses in surprise. 

Debbie keeps her facing her, staring hard into her blue eyes. 

"Listen to me," she says quietly, her tear-stained face filling Lou's vision. 

Lou's eyes drop and Debbie's grip on her chin tightens a little. Lou looks back up, hearing Deb's silent order to look at her. 

"Have you ever felt this before?" Debbie asks.

She searches Lou's eyes and moves her hand from her chin to her chest. She presses her palm there. 

" _This_?" Debbie stares at her. "Have you  _ever_ felt this? Because I haven't."

Lou swallows; hiccups, then shakes her head. 

"I  _know_ that this is real because I have  _never_ felt this way in my life. I've never loved someone so much that I would do whatever they asked. Anything. I've never loved someone so entirely that even being apart can't change the way I feel; that almost six years in prison couldn't even smother."

Her eyes burn hard into Lou's and Lou is too surprised to do anything but stare back as her eyes spill over incessantly. 

"If the best thing for you was for me to leave you alone, then I'd go. It would  _crush_ me, but I'd go. I'd do whatever you needed. Whatever you wanted."

Tears spill and Lou's hand moves by itself, reaching up and gently sweeping her thumb across Debbie's cheek, drying a fat teardrop. 

Then she swallows and her hand falls quickly, folding back against her chest. 

"This isn't just another relationship," Debbie goes on. "There's nothing normal or typical or common about this. About us.  _That's_ how I know that I'll always love you. Always. It's different because we're _supposed_  to be together. The only thing familiar about this was when we first met, and there was this bizarre feeling that I already knew you. Like my heart recognized you and I was finally whole."

Lou's breathing keeps hitching in her throat, jolting her body. 

"I know it's scary," Deb's voice softens. "It's terrifying. I know."

Lou's eyes fill quickly and she drops her head onto her knees. 

Debbie moves then, wrapping both legs around Lou and holding her against her body. She leans in, pressing her lips to Lou's head; palming it to keep it there and inhaling Lou's sweet, familiar scent. 

"You can keep rooting your feet into the ground; even taking one step back when we take two forwards," Deb murmurs near her ear. "But eventually you're going to see that I'm not going anywhere. Ever again."

Lou sobs into her knees. Her leggings are soaked there, saturated with her tears. 

* * *

 

She's not sure how long they sit on the carpet, in the middle of the living room; Deb's body wrapped around Lou's. 

Exhausted, Lou's head rests against her knees as she waits for the tears to stop. Debbie rubs her back and keeps her mouth near Lou's ear, soothing her and pressing her lips to her head. Slowly, the tension starts to leave Lou's body, until she's fully leaned into Debbie. 

She lays her head on her shoulder and turns in, towards her, so she can keep her nose against Debbie's skin. The scent of her is intoxicating and soothing.

Lou is her own worst enemy. 

She'd blurted her feelings out; tried to push Debbie away. The last thing she wants is for Debbie to leave, but fear still controls her and it was fear that had worked to shut herself down and try to make Deb go. 

She loves Debbie so much that she's greedy; drunk and addicted to it all. From a dark, cold corner of her mind, images of Debbie with someone else will float into her thoughts; images of her with Claude fucking Becker. Even the idea of Debbie leaving cuts her deep. That image of Debbie leaving her. Walking away and taking Lou's heart with her. 

Again.

She's barely aware of Debbie moving, standing up and slowly pulling Lou up with her. 

"Come on, baby," she murmurs.

Lou's eyes are heavy and blurry.

Debbie gets her to the bedroom and gently helps her into bed. Lou's head hits the pillow and her eyes fall closed immediately. 

Debbie peels off her leggings, feeling the knees, soaked with tears, and swallows a lump in her throat. She covers Lou with the duvet and then crawls over her, slipping under the blankets next to her. She kicks her pants off and then slides an arm underneath Lou, pulling her close; her other arm wraps around her and slowly rubs her back. 

Lips pressed to Lou's head, the last stray tears fall from Debbie's eyes. 

She gets why Lou is scared. She's scared, too. Falling for Lou had been as terrifying as it was exhilarating. Debbie's never felt this for anyone else. She was barely out of her teenage years when she'd felt this; this warm, spinning, nauseating, incredible love that she'd thought either wasn't real or wasn't meant for her. 

She'd held off as long as she could. She'd never assumed or tried to force anything. She didn't have to. She and Lou were drawn together like magnets; nothing could have stopped that. It was Danny, seeing clearly the looks and interactions between the two of them, who had first invited Lou out with them one night. A random Friday; drinks and then dinner after a small job. 

That first night, spending time together that didn't revolve around a job, had left Deb reeling. She hasn't seen an hour pass since that didn't hold recurring thoughts of Lou. It's been painful and incredible and unreal and jarring. In prison, these thoughts had both kept her alive and threatened to kill her.

Lou exhales deeply, her breath cool on Debbie's warm skin. Debbie's eyes close slowly, adoring the feeling. 

When Lou's hand unfurls and reforms a fist, clutching Debbie's shirt, Deb's eyes refill. 

If she had any doubt that she and Lou were meant to be together, she wouldn't be here. She would have stayed away, after their first time together when Lou had scurried back into her castle in fear. She would have done the jobs, as professionally as possible, because otherwise Danny would have made her life hell. Back then and even now, the idea of seeing Lou all the time but never again holding her or tasting her or breathing her in is terrifying to Debbie. Hell, it's made her want to bolt, too. To run and avoid feeling all of this. 

She runs her hand over Lou's body, under the blanket; combs her fingers through a handful of the blonde hair and then glides her hand down Lou's back and over the curve of her hip and the velvet skin of her thigh. Then back up, resting near the small of her back and finally settling in herself.

She's exhausted, too. The last hour has dragged her from anxiety to grief to terror to hope. She's never loved anyone this way, so she's never been through this with anyone but Lou. Never had this voice in her head telling her not to give up; that this is where she's meant to be. Who she's meant to be with. And yet had that other voice that tells her to run; to leave Lou to find happiness without her, because everyone knows an Ocean just brings trouble.

She meant it when she said her heart had recognized Lou. The first time she'd ever seen Lou, she'd been struck by her beauty. She never imagined that they'd even be friends, let alone start doing jobs together and then fall for each other in a dizzying whirlwind that neither of them was prepared for. 

That first day in Sak's when Debbie had seen Lou, Deb had felt her heart stutter in her chest when Lou met her gaze and fluidly, calmly lifted the wallet from some rich bitch. Debbie was done for in that moment.

She takes a slow, deep breath and exhales quietly, Lou's sweet scent making her feel warm and strong and weak and aroused. 

She kisses Lou's forehead again and then falls into a much-needed, heavy sleep. 

 


End file.
